Jean Grey is not so Innocent
by JeanGreyakaPhoenix
Summary: Everybody would say that Jean Grey was the perfect girl. Sweet and kind, never lost her temper, was loyal to her man… Everybody could only be half right. Or maybe only a quarter, or they're all just plain wrong. Jean/Logan fanfic. R&R! Chapter 13 up!
1. Everybody's wrong

**So this just came up, wanted to make it a quick one but decided to make it a slow one. lol… So read and tell me what you think!! **

_**Jean Grey aka Phoenix**_

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_Everybody's wrong_

Everybody would say that Jean Grey was the perfect girl. Classy but sexy, tall and firm, independent but knew when to ask for help, sweet and kind, never lost her temper, was loyal to her man… Everybody could only be half right. Or maybe only a quarter.

Jean Grey was not the flawless girl everyone thought she was; Not even her boyfriend Scott Summers knew the real her. They all thought Phoenix was the bad one, Jean was the saint. No, no one knew just how bad she could be.

The problem was that Jean herself didn't want others to think otherwise. She didn't want her family to know she was careless at times; she didn't want her friends to know she liked to smoke; she didn't want the world to know she might as well be the Phoenix herself; she didn't want her boyfriend to know she liked it hard and rough.

Everybody thought Jean and Scott were the perfect couple, everyone except Jean. She acted, she made it seam like she was happy, like she was where she wanted to be, but it wasn't true. She fooled everyone, even Scott.

She just wasn't the kind of person everyone wanted her to be, but since everyone loved that Jean, Jean settled on being that Jean.

There was only one person in the world that knew the real her, the real Jean… The only person who knew the real Phoenix, inside and out. His name was Logan, or Wolverine like others called him.

He knew Jean and Phoenix to be almost the same person, he knew she liked to smoke and drink heavily on a Saturday night, knew she liked to dance to Latin music and loved Samba, liked to be careless, liked to stay up all night doing nothing and everything just to have coffee and go to work when the time came. But most important of all, he knew and understood that she wasn't the clean and virtuous girl Jean Grey; she was the dirty and naughty woman Phoenix.

He came to the mansion one day and she was immediately attracted to him, she admired him. She loved the way he didn't give a shit about what the others thought. He could just be himself, he could just tell people to fuck off, and they obeyed. He didn't even care what her boyfriend thought when he hit on her, made suggestive comments, made fun of Scott, told her how beautiful and sexy and hot she was.

She started to let go of her one-way-and-no-mistakes life. She started wearing more open clothes, more sensual clothes and made sure Logan saw her. She stopped caring about what Scott thought and started flirting back with Logan. To Scott's utter shock, she started wearing those sinful thongs, colors crimson red and black.

She always wanted Wolverine, but when that lust turned to love she didn't know. Maybe it was when they were in that mission, when they found each other trapped and didn't know how to get out of there. He wasn't the least bit scared for himself, he was terrified for her.

The place was cold and she was shivering and he had pulled her into his arms, promising to protect her and he did, he got her out of there and nearly died in the process. That was definitely the time she realized she loved him and he loved her back, but they couldn't do anything about it.

She might be changing, getting away from her strict life, but she wasn't ready to go too far… yet.

**So? Was it ok? Review please and be nice. **


	2. Released to the real world

**So here is chapter two! WARNING… Sexual contents, inappropriate for ages under 17. Blah blah blah… Read and Review please and I only put that warning so that I don't get people saying 'you should put a warning before writing stuff like that' lol. **

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_Released to the real world_

About a week after the mission, while all the X-men were having dinner together, Logan asked Jean if she wanted to go to this club opening. Everyone stopped their conversations and waited for her answer. After a while of thought, she was going to say no but then he said. "It's a Latin club." And immediately she said yes and everyone's jaw dropped. The pure little Jean Grey going to a club?

She had a fight with Scott that night and he confronted her about having an affair with Logan and she said no, because it was the truth... back then.

It was that night that the naughty Jean Grey was released. They had danced all night and she was amazed at how well he danced, and she was aroused. Latin music might be strong and fast and merry, but it was sensual and sexual. That added to her pent up passion and the way he talked to her while they danced, made it impossible for her to hang on to any control she had left.

Pressed up against each other more than they needed to, moving in sync, and even if she always thought that the saying of 'dancing is like making love' was bullshit, she realized that their movements were just like she imagined them together, fast and slow and sensual, one of his hands on her hip, one of hers wrapped around his neck, while the other in his, their fingers intertwined together.

Tap right, step back right, rock forward left and close right… They swayed to her favorite beat of the Samba, their bodies moving away as she turned and turned again; pulling away and he pulled her back to him, dancing gloriously, eyes locked and they didn't even realize that they had the entire floor, everyone stepping away to give them room, giving room to the best dancing couple. At the last beat of the music he dipped her, bending her as far backwards as possible and she held onto his shoulders, smiling and closing her eyes. It had been so many years since she had danced like that. They were both startled when everyone around applauded them and for the first time they realized they were the only ones on the dance floor.

Blushing with embarrassment, Jean laughed when Logan pulled her back up and on her own feet. Absolutely everyone in the club was applauding them and at the host asked them to come up to the stage and dance for the competition which they didn't even know was going on. They danced a Mambo and won the prize.

They left the club around 2am, laughing as they walked hand in hand. Jean had the prize on her other hand. "I can't believe we won a prize." She said with a laugh.

Logan shook his head. "Neither can I. I always thought that if I was to ever win something, would be a punch on the nose from Scotter boy." Jean laughed again.

"Or maybe you." He said.

"I would never hit you." Jean cried out, not believing he would ever even think about that.

"No," Logan chuckled. "I mean I always thought I might be able to win you over."

Jean stopped walking, letting go of his hand and Logan stopped in front of her, turning around to face her. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." He apologized, kicking himself mentally for ruining such a wonderful evening with his big mouth.

"No, it's ok, let's just get the car." Jean whispered. They had parked it by the club but they had walked a few blocks. Jean turned and walked back, Logan following close behind.

As they walked, Logan started to smell her tears and he clenched his fists. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her. How could he be so dam stupid? Why did he have to say anything? He just wanted to take her out and let her have a good time, why did he have to ruin it?

When they got to the car, she was going to get into the driving seat but she had had a couple of beers, so he stopped her. "You shouldn't drive." He said and placed his hand over hers on the handle.

She nodded and turned around, but he was so close to her that when she did, she found herself pressed against him completely. Her breathing quickened and she wanted to move away but the sudden closeness put Logan in an unreasonable state and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer.

Looking deep into his eyes she found herself captive, unable to form a sound thought, and she let her eyes flash with fiery red, something that she only did freely in front of him, but this time it was different as it unleashed the Wolverine and his own eyes flashed with lust before he kissed her.

Jean hesitated, but he didn't. He pushed his tongue past her lips and she stopped fighting herself. She wrapped her arms around his neck and battled with his tongue, fighting for dominance, had and moist and wet and hot and everything else was forgotten.

In the haze of the kiss they managed to get in the BMW, in the back seat. She ripped off her jacket along with her blouse and he took off his leather jacket and gently pushed her back until she was laying down. Spreading her legs as much as she could, she pulled him down and he settled between her parted legs, kissing her and stroking her nipples through the fabric of her red bra.

She cursed the little space and she raised her legs until the hills of her shoes dig into the caramel ceiling, taking off the black Prada shirt she got him for Christmas. Her hands roamed his chest and moved down, gasping when he eventually ripped the straps of her bra and pinched her nipples hard. She writhed in ecstasy as he licked and sucked her breasts, biting and stroking her.

With impatient fingers, she undid his already too tight jeans and he pushed her skirt up, groaning when his organ was released and she started stroking him, kissing him hard and biting his tongue. The small space was infuriating him but it didn't stop him, he reached down and pushed the crotch of her thong to the side, stroking her and rubbing her clit, entering her with two fingers and then pulling out, making her moan wildly.

She begged him and he complied entering her slowly, not wanting to hurt her. The animal in both of them were wild and they couldn't control them. He thrust deep into her, touching her womb and she was panting, her breathing out of control. She moaned and closed her eyes when he pulled almost all the way and slammed back inside hard and she pulled him into another kiss, pressing her forehead against his with bruising force as he did it again.

The hills of her shoes dug into the ceiling firmly as she bit her lip to keep herself from crying out as he started a faster pace, but he was holding back, she could feel it.

"Harder." She whispered into his ear breathlessly as she met his every move. He growled and started thrusting hard, at a brutal rate and she cried out, feeling his thrust shake her whole body. His fingers gripped at her hips and she knew she'll have bruises and they were both out of control.

Desperate tears began to escape her eyes as he pounded into her and every time he moved inside her, his pubic bone brushed over her clit and she felt like screaming, her mouth open against his, pain blurring with pleasure and nothing ever felt more like heaven to her. She was close, so close, they both were. He leaned forward even more if possible and the pain sent her over the edge and she screamed, throwing her head back and clutching him inside of her. Pushing himself deep inside of her one last time, he sounded like a wounded animal and she whimpered, feeling him come inside of her.

Aftershocks drove through them both as they recovered and Jean was still panting, never before had she had such an experience. A small smile curled her lips and she opened her eyes, lifting her head and kissing him softly.

When they got back to the mansion, Jean had the biggest smile on her face, she was happier than she ever had been in her entire life. She spent the night with Logan and went back to her room at dawn and no one knew, no one knows.

**So, what did you think? Review please. **


	3. One more secret

**To ****Lacey****: Do you know how much I love you girl? You're my rock and next chapter for BAMN (By Any Means Necessary) will be coming up by the end of the week and I promise a bonus by Chapter10. As for Broken, won't be a next chapter until next week or so. **

**To ****cherub4L****: I couldn't agree more. **

**To Stacy M, Megan and Renee: Thanks, I'm flattered, can't wait to hear from you again!**

**To DPR: Sometimes I feel like there's some bad blood between us and sometimes I don't, it's really strange, I wish there was a way we could talk because I feel very uneasy. You're a good gal; I wish I could hear from you more often. **

**To spedclass: Thanks, although, you could've just put one review or written something different. Thanks anyways! **

**Hope you all enjoy this one. It's short but its 3am, give me a break. I just couldn't sleep, just like last night and the night before that and the night before that… which is what led to the start of the story in the first place, which led to every single story I've ever written. So just Read and Review please. **

_One more secret_

Logan walked towards the kitchen where he sensed her, where he sensed her exotic sent. Her sent was unique, it reminded him of the ambiance in the glassy morning or the atmosphere after a storm. It was sweet and bitter, lovable and strong, confident, smelling gloriously like crimson red roses and the beauty of peace. It was all of those things and none of those things; it was just **her**, Jean Grey… Phoenix.

And as he walked closer to the kitchen he smelled what she had in the microwave, Chinese food leftovers.

It had been about six months after the opening of the Latin dancing club, half a year after he had Released her. Release with a capital 'R' without a doubt.

They had spent the rest of the night together, or the early morning. She had never known so much pleasure; her throat was positively burning from screaming his name.

She still remembered it like it was yesterday. Jean had been on top, a position she enjoyed but hadn't had the chance to act on much but Logan was more than eager for her to act on it as much as she wanted. But she had also enjoyed having him on top or being on her hands and knees... The things he did to her with his tongue and his hand only.

But the most amazing part was that it wasn't all physical, that they weren't just fucking and she knew it. And he whispered sweet words in her ear afterwards, and that she admitted she loved him and he said it back without hesitation.

If that had been amazing for her, the experiences that followed completely overpowered her.

Without another thought Jean started having a full affair with Logan meeting with him secretly and going back to Scott in the morning. They hadn't planned it or anything, it just happened. She hated that she had made that decision but she was sticking to it and true to his promise, he was right besides her no matter what she did. Wolverine was all too much possessive of his mate, enraged when he saw her with Scott, it had been taking Logan a lot of control and Jean didn't know if she could possibly love him more.

They loved each other too much to let go and while Jean wasn't willing to leave Scott for the sake of the team, they were going to hold on to anything they could get their hands on, even if it meant a quick fuck in supply closet.

It was around then that Logan realized just how naughty the real Jean Grey could be, and how much he loved her change, even more that the way she was before.

She had changed so much, so much that many didn't even recognize her anymore. She had cut her long, luscious hair above her shoulders, making it scrappy but sexy **Author:** **_Think X2, I'm not really good at describing hairstyles._** She stopped wearing gentle colors and started matching her clothes color to her thongs, crimson red, dark blue and black, sometimes indigo. She pierced her ears so she could actually wear real earrings instead of silly clip-ons.

She was 70Percent herself now in front of the world. 30Percent was still hidden deep inside. 10Percent was that she couldn't come out about her relationship with Logan; another 10Percent was that she couldn't reveal her thoughts of wanting to leave the team and start her own life, and then there was the other 10Percent , something she hadn't even told to Logan, too afraid that he would be disgusted or something.

Jean sighed as she heard the 'ding!' from the microwave and went over to get her food out. It was Sunday, 1pm and not many people were home. They had all gone out to the fair but she was tired and turned down the invitation.

Everyone assumed that it had been form her one-week-long mission, but that was only half the truth. Logan had been her partner in the mission and they were staying at an unbelievable hotel, there was no doubt that they only left the room when necessary for the mission and ordered room service. They also went to the swimming pool, but what happened in there Jean made sure the cameras didn't see.

She yawned as she sat down with her food. Last night she had been with Logan but not in his room, just outside in the wood. He liked it there and they sat and talked all night and watched the sunrise, one of the mornings she went back to her room without her clothes torn but not minding it one bit. Being in Logan's arms all night was enough to get her through the day; she detested the nights they couldn't be together.

She had been awakened by Scott around 9am asking her if she was sure she didn't want to come with them. She practically screamed at him no and clutch the pillow close, falling back asleep and she woke up about 30 minutes ago with a growling stomach.

Her temper had been loose lately, probably because due to the Professor, Logan had been sent out on more and more missions and Jean hadn't been able to spend much time with him over the past month. It was irritating her.

She yawned again and jumped a bit when she felt a couple of strong arms wrap around her waist but relaxed when she felt the telepathic touch through their link. _Good Morning_

She sent as she leaned into his touch.

He chuckled and sat down, pulling her onto his lap. "Morning? More like noon sleepy head."

"Your own fault, if it hadn't been for you I would be in a perfectly fun fair right now." She mumbled against his lips but said it into his mind too so he understood her.

"So you would choose a fair over me?" He whispered into her ear while stroking her hips, sending shivers down her spine. She really wondered how after all this months he still made her feel like she was new to it all, like everything was just starting and the anticipation was still high and hot.

_I never said that, just made a simple observation_ She sent back, her lips firmly against his now as she turned and straddled him, wrapping her arms around his neck, kissing him eagerly.

Yes, she wondered indeed, what he would think of her if he knew the remaining 10Percent in her soul. She could talk to Logan and open up to him like no one else in the whole world, not even Scott, not even close to Scott. She talked to him about her fears, about what she wanted and what her plans where, to leave someday. She talked about her past, she talked freely to him about the conversations she had with Phoenix throughout the day, and she listened to him too, of course. But what would he think of her? She had to tell him, an soon, because the guilt of keeping it from him was just eating her up. She didn't want to tell him, too afraid of his reaction; she was just too terrified that she would lose him.

**And, what did you think? Review please! **


	4. Pandora’s Box

**Ok guys, here's Chap4! Read and Review please! **

**I'm feeling kind of sick, I think I might have a cold, I'm like sneezing every 5 minutes and I have a runny nose… It's like 6:30am right now and I haven't slept all night, so after I post this I'm hoping to just go to bed. I expect many reviews! My head hurts and my final examinations are Wednesday, so I barely got time for this, I want you to read… and don't leave without a review. /Sneeze/ I really need some medicine and I'm not kidding here, I think I'm really sick… **

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_Pandora's Box_

Jean laid upside-down on the armchair in her room. Her legs where flung over where her head should be and her head was where her legs should be, and as she looked at the fireplace, she saw it overturned, it looked as if the flames where licking the floor, while the bookshelf besides the fireplace looked as if it was hanging from the ceiling.

Why she enjoyed this reversed view of everything so much she still didn't quite know, she just settled for saying to Scott, Logan and Ororo (Who had been the only ones to ever seen her in this pose) that it seamed more like realism, that everything might as well be on its head than on its ass, all fucked up anyway.

But of course, she had only given this blunt reason recently, because the old Jean Grey wouldn't dare speak her mind like that. But this wasn't the old Jean, no sir. The brand new WOMAN, not girl, was upside down on her arm chair smoking a cigarette and looking at the flames in the fireplace that with a touch of Phoenix's powers, she could very well control, extend and most likely be able to burn down the entire mansion in mare second if those were her intensions. But only her worst enemy yet best ally Phoenix, herself and Logan knew of this great power within her, because she wouldn't let the others know… not yet.

Jean yawned and decided that two hours of this pose was enough. Using her telekinesis to keep her blood from pouring into her brain was not tiring, she didn't get tired when she used her powers anymore, and she didn't feel weak after using them to an extreme level anymore. Now, the word 'boundaries' had no meaning for her.

She pulled herself up and stood up, stretching her muscles and putting the short cigarette bud out in the glass of water she had on the floor.

She sat down again, upright this time, with her legs against her chest, leaning back while her legs leaned to the side, to the armrest.

As she stared at the fire, her mind was somewhere else. She had categorized the secret she was keeping from Logan to only 10Percent, but that was ridiculous. It was much bigger than that, way bigger. She had outed herself to the world less than 10Percent, maybe 5Percent… To Logan, well, it was complicated, but maybe a good 25Percent? Maybe less?

This secret was too big; she was betraying him by not telling him… But she couldn't tell him. She couldn't tell anyone. She was not who everyone thought she was, but not only in the good girl/bad girl kind of way. Or maybe yes, it was exactly that. She groaned, shaking her head. This was so confusing, yet so clear. _Stop tormenting me!! _Phoenix yelled, making Jean's teeth clench. "Shut up." Jean said out loud.

_You are driving me to the edge! _Phoenix gave back.

_Thought you were always on edge. _Jean said.

_Just tell him._

_Yeah, easy for you to say, it's me who has to do the talking._

_It's not that fucking hard, even a human could do it. _

_You know, I'm getting really bored of your fucking comments._

_Deal with it. _Phoenix simply said.

_You keep that up and I might just let you out while I'm sick and we'll see how well you take me tormenting you to braking point while you already have a maddening headache. _

_You think I'm not on breaking point already? All your whining, so pathetic. Just show him. Take him there, or let me in his head. _

_Are you nuts? I let you in his head next thing I know I'll have a horny Wolverine over me. _

_Would that be so bad?_

Jean shook her head in amusement, chuckling softly. _I guess not, but I don't need you to get him. _

_True, but it's not fair to keep me here while you're having all the fun._

_Deal with it. _Jean repeated the words Phoenix had said to her just a few moments ago, making the woman angry.

Before Jean could say anything else, there was a knock on the door and Logan came in. "Hi, can I come in?"

"Sure." Jean said hoarsely, her throat hurting a bit and not having said much but the words 'shut up' in the past two hours.

Logan came in and closed the door behind him, locking it and moving over to her. "Hey, how are you?" He asked while she scooted over and he sat besides her, but she just ended up on his lap.

"Nothing much." She whispered against his lips before kissing him, a small smile curling up her lips as he pulled her even closer. He pressed his lips against hers eagerly, his tongue pushing through her parted lips and feeling the warm cavern of her mouth. After a while he pulled away, his eyes closed as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"You've been avoiding me for the past three days." Logan said into her ear, licking her earlobe and biting down teasingly.

Jean took in a sharp breath, feeling a familiar wetness between her legs. "Not avoiding you, don't take it personal, I just needed to-" She broke off to giggle when he trailed his tongue from her ear past her jaw and to her lips again. She moved so that she was straddling his hips, her hands moving under his shirt, her nails dragging against his muscles before she pulled away from his mouth to take off his shirt. "Just needed some time alone, you know? Cut off from the world." She barely finished before he gave a short nod of understanding and his lips were on hers again, her shirt and bra forgotten on the floor too as he stood up with her in his arms and moved to the bed.

As he climbed on top of her, she spread her legs so that he could settle between them and press giants her better. "And your Boyscout?" He asked quickly, not wanting to say the other man's name, he just returned to her neck immediately, kissing and nibbling her hot skin, moving down and taking her nipple into his mouth.

She hissed and gasped out. "In…" She could barely speak, her breathing coming in sharp. "In a meeting… in…" She gritted her teeth when he bit down. "In Manhattan." Logan unbuttoned her tight pants and rapidly pulled them off along with her black thong, moving down to kiss her smooth stomach before moving lower. She let out a loud moan, grabbing fistfuls of his soft, dark hair, her back arching against the sheets as she clenched her eyes shut.

Jean cried out when the tip of his tongue found her clit and licked her firmly there, again and again. She pushed her pelvis up to him, her head rolling back on the pillow when his tongue stabbed into her deliciously. She moaned helplessly, spreading her legs as much as she possibly could, feeling so close to the edge as he thrust in and out. He smirked when she pushed her pelvis up again, wanting more. He flicked his tongue against her clit hard until she came, loving her ecstatic cries of pleasure.

After she came down from that one, she pulled him up onto her, kissing him and tasting herself in Logan's mouth. "I love it when you do that." She whispered as she unbuckled his belt, pushing his pants down.

"Do what?" Logan teased her, kicking his pants away.

"Mm… I love it when you eat me up until I come, because it just me makes me hotter, and impatient." She said through breathless whispers, biting her lip hard and whimpering when he stroked her still sensitive clit and then pushed into her, hearing her cry of delight. As he thrust deeper into her, Jean wrapped her thighs around his hips, and Logan entwined their fingers over her head.

He thrust into her slowly at first, kissing her and feeling her palms press against his, fingers tangled together. She had her mouth open, her eyes closed and she met his every move. When he thrust sharply and she cried out again, she used her powers and rolled them over, giving him a wicked grin. "You know I like to be on top."

Logan rocked his hips underneath her, making her moan. "I'm not complaining." He whispered into her ear when she began to ride him hard. He had one hand on her hip and the other one on her breast, flicking his fingertip over her nipples while pressing his lips against hers.

Her hips moved up and down fast and he guided her with his hand, thrusting up to meat her every move until she thought she would scream. She started whimpering and he could tell she was close, so was he. She felt her orgasm closer, wrapping around her with the promise of release. She cried out when he snapped his hips up into her with a brutal force and she screamed, throwing her head back while he held there, groaning as she clenched around him and came hard, her orgasm spurring his and they came together, both moaning and groaning.

She collapsed on top of him with a soft moan, both panting heavily. After a while she got off of him and onto his side, kissing him as they pulled the sheets around them, feeling cold now that the sweat on their bodies started to dry off. "You're really good at that." Logan murmured against her lips.

Jean chuckled. "Well thank you very much."

Logan smiled. "You know, I was reading this book the other day, and it reminded me of something that resembled to you."

Jean laughed softly. "And what is that?"

"Pandora's Box." He answered her.

Jean pulled away a bit to look at him clearly. "Pandora's Box?" She repeated questionably. "I don't know if to be flattered or offended by that."

Logan laughed softly "I mean that once I got you open, you got all out, and I'm not saying it was a disaster, but I know one thing, and that is that I'm not gonna be able to get you back in."

Jean gave him a look. "Do you wanna get me back in?"

Logan kissed her deeply, cuddling up against her. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Jean smiled, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Well, Pandora's Box is one of my favorite myths, and sometimes I do categorize my self as it." She gave him a quick but sure kiss, before continuing. "You are just like Pandora, couldn't resist. You had to see what was inside, the only difference is that you didn't close the lid back, which means I'm still open, and…" Jean paused, realizing how in her head, this wasn't so teasing funny anymore. Yes, just like Pandora's Box, all that power and ferocity released, still open, no limits to her powers, to herself, to Phoenix… Secrets, secrets that if reviled would ruin her… one secret would ruin her chance with Logan, while their secret would ruin her and Scott and the team and everything else… She had to tell Logan, she had to tell him, it was eating her up already! When will Hope come out of the box?

"Jeannie?" Logan asked concerned, seeing how her face changed and she tensed up, but when he repeated her name she snapped out of it and just smiled warmly at him.

"And I have nothing else to say." She said with a short laugh and only closed her eyes, leaning against his chest, hiding her inner turmoil.

After a little while, Jean looked up at him, trying to hide her distress. "Do you trust Xavier?"

That question caught him off guard. "What? Sure, yeah, more or less." He stumbled a bit. "I think this is the first time I hear you refer to him to something else than 'Professor'"

Jean didn't respond to that, she just spoke again. "What do you think of him? I mean… How well do you trust him?"

Logan snorted. "I don't know… I guess, I just trust him. I mean, you trust him with your life, that's enough for me to trust him with my own life." He said thoughtfully, stroking her hair lovingly.

Jean gave him an indifferent smile, leaning against his chest again, fighting the tears of pain coming to her eyes.

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That night after Logan left and just half an hour later Scott came back and dinner was served, no one noticing the looks Jean and Logan shot at each other.

"Jean, Saturday night the girls and I are going to this art exhibition, would you like to come?" Ororo asked her friend sweetly while pouring herself some more Sprite. Everyone was at the table, all talking and chatting and eating…

Jean smiled, but then made a face. "Oh I would love to, but I already have plans." She really would love to, but she really had plans. _Plans… That's all you're gonna tell him? Why don't you just tell him the truth? Tell him where you're really going._ Phoenix growled at her but Jean kept a straight face, with a glow in her eyes that only Logan recognized. He knew she and Phoenix were having a little chat that was more likely irritating her.

_I can't… Not yet._

_The when? When Hell freezes over? _

_Shut up and let me eat._ Jean said quickly and ignored what she said next.

"Oh," Storm said only a little disappointed. "Well, what about Sunday? They're showing it both nights."

"All right, girls night out on Sunday." Jean said with a smile, eating mouthful of mashed potatoes hungrily.

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That night, close to midnight, she decided not to go to Logan's room. She just sat by the window, her legs pulled up against her chest while Scott slept on the bed behind her.

The moonlight washed over her as she thought about her 'plans' Saturday. Taking a deep breath, she tried not to let tears fall. She didn't know what to do… She had to tell him, soon, quickly. It was killing her, lying to him, it was enough that she had to lie to everybody else, she didn't want to lie to him, she didn't want him to live this lie.

She felt tears stream down her face silently and cleaned them away quickly. She stretched her left leg, stroking a small spot above her knee. She knew how to use her powers well, she had wrapped an illusive cocoon on the little space, so that it would seem like normal skin, and only she could see the tattoo she had there. Not even Logan knew it was there, or the one on her left shoulder just like it. She had used her powers so that the illusion wouldn't fade even if she was unconscious, the only way those two patches of skin were to be seen for real were by her own eyes or if she did and the illusion died with her.

The two tattoos were not that small and not that big either, she had gotten them when she was 17 or so. It wasn't as if she was ashamed of having a tattoo, it was just what the tattoo represented, and if anyone in this mansion saw them they would immediately know what they meant, who she was for real.

She didn't need much power on the two illusions, it was just like her wedding ring, everyone sees it, and she doesn't have to worry about it, she just doesn't take it off… But she takes her wedding ring off when she was with Logan… most of the time, when they weren't desperate, like today…

_Although, you're always desperate, __**we**__ are_. Phoenix whispered.

_Well, not always_. Jean thought back. She just wished she could take the illusions away when she was with him, but no, he wouldn't accept it, he wouldn't. He wouldn't accept the real her, the her he doesn't know. She really isn't who everyone thinks she is. It killed her inside.

At first it was easy doing this job, she proposed it herself, but now with Logan, it was pure torture to lie and she couldn't focus well anymore. She couldn't keep lying to him, she had to tell him. _I have to tell him I have to tell him I have to tell him… _She said to herself over and over again, stroking over the tattoo on her leg only she could see, the tattoo invisible to everyone else, her Brotherhood mark.

* * *

**And? Did I just totally throw you guys off? Totally off guard? Review please!! **

**Pandora's Box is one of my favorite myths in Greek Mythology, my mom is a fan and I've been hearing about it since I was a baby, she always made me read books regarding it, and since I know a lot of it, it's one of the thing that I can talk with her about while knowing that it won't piss her off. I just love it. **

**Ok, I sneezed like, 20 times every page, and my throat hurts, and I've got school tomorrow, tests coming up, mommy coming home, homework to finish… I'm never gonna make it, am I? **


	5. Jean Grey’s real life

**Ok guys, I know it's been a verrrrryyy long time since I've updated, but I wanted to finish my other story first, but I promise this one is going to come more regularly from now on, ok? R&R please!!!**

_Jean Grey's real life_

As all the X-men walked into the Professor's office for a meeting, Jean followed Scott in.

"What's going on?" Warren asked as Scott closed the door since everyone was here.

"We intercepted a communication between the Brotherhood and the Hellfire Club thirty minutes ago" Ororo began. "Apparently they have sided together."

"Well that can't be good." Warren said a little shaken.

"That's only the beginning." Rogue said. "There is a new weapon made by the US military and somehow the Hellfire Club found out about it." Rogue continued, worry evident in her eyes. She had been with Storm when the communication was intercepted. "They want it and so does the Brotherhood, so they are going to steal it together."

"What is this new weapon?" Scott asked.

"It is a biometric weapon; once it locks on to the target it tracks it by following the brain waves and genetic makeup." The Professor spoke, folding his hands on his lap. "It does not give up until target is eliminated."

Logan glanced at Jean; she was calm, seating on her usual place besides Scott on the couch, and as she listened, her scent did not change, it was as if she already knew what the weapon did.

"The weapon was made in the Dugway Proving Ground, where they test and maintain chemical and biological defense systems for the United States and its allies." Storm said, "And they are transferring it from Dugway to Washington D.C. tomorrow evening."

Logan looked at Jean again. Unlike the others receiving the news, she wasn't taking the information in, because it was obvious to him that she already knew all of this, but how? Did the Professor tell her before the meeting? But she was with him and the others, and apparently, they intercepted the communication only thirty minutes ago, so how did she know?

"They're gonna hit the transportation truck?" Bobby asked, seeing that that would be a logical move.

"We are not sure, but that would be our best guess." The Professor answered. "That's why we have contacted the government through Hank and warned them."

Jean gritted her teeth, exhaling sharply. _Dam it!_

_Now what? _Phoenix asked annoyed.

_None of your business. _Jean gave back.

"They are changing the time and route." Storm informed them.

"When did they change it to?" Jean asked, crossing her legs somewhat seductively, her skirt ridding up and showing more of her smooth, long legs. "And Where?" Jean always asked those questions, wanting to know all the details.

"We don't know yet, but they will need our assistance, so I'm sending Scott, Logan, Ororo and Kitty to join the team looking over the transport. Jean, you and Bobby along with Rogue will monitor their steps from here." The Professor said and was about to dismiss them when Jean spoke.

"But if we don't know when or where, then what's the point?"

"For the sake of not being discovered again, the government will only tell us an hour before they take off." Rogue answered.

"So we won't know?" Jean asked again. "I mean, we need to prepare, don't we?"

"If they contact us, there is a chance the mutants from the Hellfire Club and the Brotherhood will pick up on the shift," Logan looked at Jean as she listened to the Professor and he could swear he saw fire in her eyes, and then he knew she was reading Charles's mind. "and we can't risk that, so no, we won't know." The Professor said and dismissed them.

Jean walked out rather quickly, and went to the far side of the mansion, where she took out her cell phone and attached a scrambling device on it, so no one could track or intercept the call. She dialed a number and waited for a machine to pick up, before she dialed a different sequence, and soon, a computerized voice asked for her code. "Alpha 1-7-6-3-8." Jean said clearly, so the computer recognized her voice as well.

When she passed the security blocks, a man answered the phone. "Jean, what's wrong?" The man's voice was rough.

"Jason, they know about the weapon, and they've changed their moving schedule." Jean gave him the news quickly, knowing she shouldn't stay on the line long.

"Fuck." Jason cursed. "How did they manage that?"

"Apparently, it wasn't such a good idea to change the system; our communication lines have been compromised." Jean informed him, looking over her shoulder to make sure she was really alone.

"What?!" The man almost yelled, and Jean pulled the phone away from her ear.

"Listen, I'm gonna come over. I'll tell you when to send the driver." Jean said aggravated, pacing around, sensing someone nearby.

"No, Jean. You shouldn't." Jason warned. "It's too dangerous"

"You are outnumbered," Jean told him. "I'm going."

"Going where?" Jean gasped startled at the gruff voice behind her and turned around quickly to see Logan.

Jean hung up immediately with slightly trembling hands, not tearing her eyes off of him while she grabbed the devise and slowly, so not to seem an unusual movement, put it back in her pocket, praying that he didn't see her do that.

"Logan, what are you doing out here?" Jean asked with a nervous smile, trying to mask everything.

"Going where? Who where you calling?" Logan questioned. "We've got perfectly good phones on the other side." The intimidating look she gave her sent shivers down her spine, and she knew where else she had seen that look… In missions, when he interrogated someone and found he was being lied to.

Jean didn't know what to say, so she just walked slowly over to him. "Nothing important." She stood in front of him. Her heart was hammering against her ribs, fear creeping up her spine like a ghost, running through her veins and she gave him the best smile she could manage, leaving quickly.

* * *

That night, Logan was pacing around his room, restless, trying to make sense of everything. What the hell was Jean doing? Who was she calling? He didn't want to admit it, but he knew what she sneaked into her pocket. Why would she need a scrambling devise?

He growled when he remembered her sent. She was lying, she was nervous, she was…

He growled again. What was she doing? It was probably nothing; maybe she was just making a private call. But, no, she was shaking, she was lying to him. Why?

He frowned when he heard a car start downstairs in the garage, and he looked out his window, which allowed him to see the gate perfectly, and there he saw Jean driving away, in the middle of the night.

* * *

Jean got out of her car and locked it, then started walking down the street.

She had jeans on, as tight as a second skin, her long black leather coat completely tight against her body and her boots tapping on the pavement as she walked faster and faster, a straight, confident, strong look on her face as she moved.

She did a quick mind check, making sure no one was following her as she turned into an ally where she found a silver colored jeep. Silently, she got in the passenger's seat and the driver who recognized her, but she didn't recognize him. She brushed his mind without him knowing and found that it was safe, so she just leaned back.

Without a word, the man with brown hair and brown eyes started the car and they drove off.

Neither of them spoke a word as they went, and about an hour later they were stopping inside some woods.

She got out of the car first, an anxious look on her face. She waited for the driver and they both walked through the dark woods, but they were both used to it and knew the way well, and they were approaching a camp. Soon, voices could be heard, and then some flashes of lights, and suddenly, they were stopped by two very big men.

"Your codes." One of the men flashed a light on their faces, but when he saw Jean's face, he put it away.

"Jean!" He said loudly.

"Marcus!" Jean was grateful for him taking the light away from her eyes.

"Jason said you were coming over but I didn't know you were gonna get here so fast." The man said in a Scottish accent and they hugged, then she met the new guy and she passed, while the driver had to say his codes.

As Jean walked closer to the camp, her smile widened. She hadn't been here in almost three weeks. The small houses they were building on the outsides of the camp were almost done, and she soon found herself in the huge grounds were the Brotherhood accommodated at in tents and some on the half made structures of little cabins.

Many greeted her as she walked through the crowd, and she saw many new faces, which was good. She was heading to the cottage were they hid the weapons and electronic equipment.

As she passed through the mutants already asleep either on the ground or in their tents, and those who were still awake and were lit by candle light and lamps, she felt even angrier at Xavier. These were real noble people, who fought for mutants with their hearts, for the real cause, not Charles ridiculous 'dream', and he wanted to kill them, disgrace them. It wasn't fair.

She sighed and turned her gaze to the half made huts. They had been moving around a lot, but almost five months ago Eric decided that they would be fine here, far away and safe, so they were building the houses, small shelters so they could be one step up from sleeping on the ground.

When she finally got to the cottage, she was greeted by Emma Frost. "Oh My." Emma said, hugging Jean tightly. "How I've missed you." Emma was British, and she had blond hair, so blond it was almost white. Her icy blue eyes looked tired, and she had black rings under her eyes.

"You don't look so good." Jean told her, but Emma waved it off.

"We've just been really busy."

"Well why don't you go rest now?" Jean asked. "Jason and I can manage. Right?" Jean turned to Jason who was focused on re-constructing their firewalls, and he simply nodded. "See? We'll be fine."

Emma shook her head. "NO, I haven't seen you in almost a month, do you think I'm just gonna say hello and go to bed?" Her accent was very strong, very Emma. "You'll be gone in the morning, I'm not gonna miss out on the little time we have."

Jean only smiled, and then they all got to work. They worked for hours, testing and fixing the communication lines, the firewalls, everything, and they were finally done 4 hours later, and the sun was already coming out, when Eric came inside.

"Jean, you're here!" He was very happy to see her, which was very obvious. He opened his arms and she walked into them, hugging the man that was like her father, the man that took her in when she was lost and alone at age 6, the man that had thought her, Emma and Jason since they were little children the real reason and power of their precious gifts, and the man they all looked up to, their leader and idol.

Jean pulled away slowly. "Yes, I've been here for a while, where have you been?"

Eric smiled, "I had to go to Manhattan to meet a new recruit."

"This late?" Jean was surprised.

"Yes, he is more like an ally cat." Eric joked, and took the file on the desk, checking it.

"Who is he?"

"A nice French man called Remmy LeBeau." Eric answered as he read the file under the dim light.

"So you got to practice your French?" Emma asked.

"Yes, it has never been worse."

Emma and Jean chuckled, as did Jason.

"So did you fix the firewalls?" Eric turned to a more serious look.

"Yes, we just got done." Jason got up from his chair so Eric sat and looked at the system.

"What about the new locations Jean, any luck?" He asked next, still watching the system.

"No, they totally changed it and they haven't even decided yet when they're gonna move it." Jean said aggravated.

"Hm." Eric finished checking the files and got up. "Then I guess we'll find another way.

"What way?" Emma asked.

Eric gave them that smirk that all their enemies knew so well, but to them and the rest, it meant hope. "There's always another way."

**OK, so what did you think? Let me know! What do you think about Eric and the Brotherhood in this story? Review!!!!!**


	6. Love barriers

**Ok, so here is chapter 6. Thanks for all the reviews!! **

_Love barriers_

It was almost dawn, and Jean sat in Emma's tent, both trying not to speak so loud. They both had their legs under a blanket, and they drank some warm water.

"So, how's it going with you and Jason?" Jean asked her, shivering in her jacket.

Emma chuckled, trying to keep her hands warm by wrapping her hands around the cup with warm water. "Well, Mr. Mastermind has been quite the gentleman." Emma used Jason's codename, earning a smile from Jean. "But it's like you said it would be. Kind of weird."

"Of course." Jean said, taking a sip of her water. "You've been friends since you were eight, living together since you were eight, under Magnus's wing since you were eight..." Jean said using Eric's short for Magneto. "The three of us are practically siblings."

"Yeah, but things can change." Emma said. "I mean, things have been working out."

"That's good." Jean smiled. "I guess when you know each other that well, it's easier."

"Yeah." Emma said. She sighed and pulled her legs against her chest, shivering in the cold. "It's really cold so early."

Jean took a look at her watch. "4 am." She whispered.

"So, you've changed." Emma said.

Jean gave her a surprised look. "Me?" She said. "What do you mean? I'm the same Jean you met 25 years ago." Jean said with a shrug.

"Yeah, well that Jean has been away for ten years." Emma told her.

Jean frowned. "What are you talking about? The longest I've been away since I went to the Xavier's mansion is two months." Jean said. "We're always catching up."

"All I'm saying is that since what happened with Sarah…" Emma trailed off, seeing Jean look away with a pained look on her face. "You've been in a fake relationship with Scott for six years; you live that life more than your own." Emma continued. "You've never been in a real relationship, and when Eric offered to switch your place in the mansion with another mutant, you said no. What's the matter Jean? Don't you wanna get out of there?"

"Of course I do." Jean said, still looking away from the blond, hiding her tears.

Emma watched Jean for a while, before a thought crossed her mind. "You don't…" She stopped, thinking maybe she shouldn't say anything, but she had to know. "Have you grown… emotionally involved with them?"

Jean looked at Emma with a frown. "What?"

"Have you…" Emma stopped again, seeing Jean's teary eyes. "Do you… feel affection for them?" Emma spoke the last few words in almost a whisper, studying Jean's face closely.

"NO." Jean said immediately, her face hardening. "Not at all."

Emma sighed in relieve, knowing well that Jean wasn't lying. "Then what's wrong?"

Jean took a deep breath, biting her lower lip. She sighed. "Logan."

Emma looked at Jean. "What about him?"

"I know that he's just supposed to be my way out, but…" Jean trailed of, tear appearing on her face.

Emma nodded. "Yeah, when Eric lured him to the X-men it was so you… you know."

"Cheat on Scott with him?" Jean concluded, knowing too well that was supposed to be the plan. "Then have someone find out, let the word spread, so when I left it would seam that it was because of the situation."

"Yes, that was your exit without suspicions, but then you said you wouldn't do it, and that was three years ago." Emma said. "I really don't understand. It was your idea. Why are you still there?"

"Ugh!" Jean groaned, passing a hand through her hair. "When I said I was gonna cheat on Scott to get out, I did not ask you to get me someone."

"I never even liked your plan in the first place." Emma gave back. "Sleeping with someone to get out?"

"I've been sleeping with a man I don't love for six years; doing it with one more person wasn't a big deal." Jean said with a distant look in her eyes.

Emma scoffed, shaking her head. "You've grown so… frosty, Jean."

"Like you?" Jean said with amusement, since frosty was Emma's nickname.

"Not even I use men like that." Emma stated. "Every since Sarah-"

"All right! I get it." Jean snapped angrily. "Why don't you just call me a whore and get it over with?"

Emma gritted her teeth. "I'm not saying that, I just-"

"You didn't have to." Jean murmured, looking away. "And stop talking about Sarah."

"Sorry," Emma apologized, knowing how painful it was for Jean. "I'm just so concerned."

Jean smiled slightly. "You needn't be."

Emma gave her a sympathetic look, and then asked again. "Why don't you wanna get out of the mansion?"

"I do, but I…" Jean stopped, closing her eyes.

"Isn't Logan attractive enough?" Emma teased her.

Jean opened her eyes and hit Emma playfully. The blond laughed at Jean's flushed face. "He's attractive enough." Jean said, her cheeks reddening even more.

"Then why didn't you do it?" Emma asked, "Did you change your mind?"

Jean felt tears coming to her eyes. "I fell in love with him." She barely whispered, and didn't see the shocked look on Emma.

"You what?" Emma asked, sitting straight.

"You heard me." Jean said without looking up, feeling Emma cup her face.

"Oh. Jean." Emma sighed, seeing tears in the redhead's eyes. "Jean… honey. When did this happen?" Emma asked her, looking straight into her eyes.

Jean cleaned away her tears with the palm of her hand. "I'm pretty sure it started since he got to the mansion."

Emma's chin dropped to the ground. "Three years?" Jean nodded. "Why the bloody hell didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't know what to do!" Jean shouted, and then lowered her voice when she remembered she was in camp full of sleeping people.

"How about telling me." Emma gave back. "How did it happen?"

"I don't know." Jean groaned. "At first, I was just attracted to him, and he to me. Phoenix and Wolverine called out for each other from the moment we met."

"Oh, well that explains it." Emma said matter of factually.

"It does?" Jean asked.

"Yeah." Emma said with a shrug. "It explains everything."

"I guess." Jean sighed. "We started sleeping together about six months ago." Jean told her. "It was fun, and exciting. We were in love." Jean said with a thoughtful look. "I wasn't really thinking about anything, until he asked me to leave Scott."

"Wow." Emma said surprised. "Maybe we got the wrong Wolverine."

Jean chuckled. "Nop, you got the right guy indeed." Jean said. "I told him that I wouldn't leave Scott because of the team."

Emma only stared at Jean for the longest time, anticipating Jean's next words.

"I want to tell him about me."

"No." Emma gave back. "He's loyal to the X-men, he'll rat you out."

"Logan would never do that to me." Jean defended him, tear evident in her eyes.

"How do you know? To him you're a traitor."

"You don't understand. He only stayed because of me." Jean felt her voice break. "I feel like I'm using him."

Emma sighed. "If you tell him, there is no guarantee that you'll be safe."

"I can take care of myself." Jean snapped.

"I know you can," Emma said. "I know you can get away if he tells Xavier."

"Then what do you mean?" Jean asked.

"Can you survive such a broken heart?" Emma asked Jean, looking in her eyes for an answer, but Jean looked away.

Emma pulled Jean into her arms again, hugging her tightly as Jean cried.

**OK, so next chapter Logan is getting more suspicious, and Jean is pondering over telling him or not. **


	7. Cold

**Ok, so here id chapter 7, and in my opinion, I think it is pretty good. **

_Cold_

Logan had been up all night, seating by his window, and waiting for the tiniest hint of her car approaching. Morning had already come; the sun was shining coolly above them, the blue sky with only a couple of white clouds hanging, but it was still early.

Scotter boy had left the night before after the meeting with the Professor and all the other X-Men. He had gone to Washington to overlook the plans for the transfer of the weapon with Hank McCoy. He was the one that was supposed to inform them when the mission was going to be.

Jean had left as soon as Scott had, and Logan didn't know what to think of it. If it had been something important, she surely would have told him. But he still couldn't even make sense of what happened after the meeting. That mysterious call she had made, what did it mean?

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of a car approaching, and it was definitely Jean's sedan. He saw her drive into the mansion grounds, then disappear into the garage.

He immediately walked out of his room and headed downstairs. He could feel her smell in the air, and soon, he met her at the stairs. She looked up at him surprised. "Logan? What are you…"

He interrupted rather harshly. "I think I should be the one asking the question here, Jeannie."

She was obviously taken aback by his reaction, but nodded slightly, taking the lead towards her room.

When they got there, he entered and closed the door behind them. "Where were you all night?"

Jean sighed, taking off her coat and putting it away, passing a hand through her messy hair. When she looked back at him, he saw something that he didn't expect to see in her eyes. Pain. What the hell was going on?

"I went for a drive, ok?" She said simply, seating on the edge of her bed. "I've been feeling very stiff lately, and I've been restless, so I went for a drive." She said casually, but he could sense something wasn't right.

"All night?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "Is that a problem?"

Logan only stared at her. He wanted to look deep into her eyes and figure out what was wrong, but he couldn't hold her gaze, because every time he tried, she would try to look at everything and anything else. That was the last straw.

He didn't want to snap, although he felt like he was about to loose his mind. He tried to calm the darkness coming up to his eyes and kneeled down in front of her. He placed his hands on her knees and felt her shiver at the warm contact.

"Jean," He looked up at her, and saw a shadow of a tear in her eyes, which she quickly hid with a strong gaze. She didn't want to appear weak, he could see that. "What's going on?"

Jean geld his gaze for what seemed an eternity, and he looked deep into the deep seas of jade-green that were her eyes, loosing himself in them, trying to read her, trying to understand her, but she wasn't letting him. "Nothing." She whispered, now gently pressing her lips against his. "Nothing." She whispered again, pulling away.

Anger started to rise inside Logan again. Why was she doing this? He wanted to reach out to her, but she was pushing him away. "Jean…" He trailed off when he saw a single tear slide down her cheek slowly, before she took a deep breath, trying to keep her emotions at ease, but it was no use.

Logan watched as another tear made its way down her beautiful face, holding her breath from time to time, shuddering as she fought the urge to break. Logan was much more than worried now. He was terrified for her…

He pulled her closer, rubbing her back gently, letting her rest her head on his shoulder as she trembled, but didn't let out a sound. She just shook with every wave her emotions wrecked her with, and pressed her own hand against her chest, against her heart, wanting to fill the empty void, wanting to pour her heart out to him. But how could she?

Logan only held her for countless moments, knowing that she held a knot in her throat, but decided not to push her, because she clearly wasn't ready to talk. She was shuddering less and less now, but he still felt her hot tears falling on his shoulder, soaking his shirt. "It's ok…" He whispered in her ear, trying to believe his own words as he rocked her back and forth.

* * *

About a week had passed, and Scott was still in Washington, and Jean seemed very tense. She was avoiding Logan, that much was evident, but she was uptight. She was being harsh on her students, something strange of her. She had been in her lab most of her free time, and barely ate. She was looking tired and had black rings under her eyes, and Logan wanted to talk to her so badly, but she would always run out of the room he walked into.

She couldn't face him, she just couldn't. He knew something was up, but she couldn't tell him yet.

She had told Emma that she would, but as she drove home, thousands of possible scenarios haunted her mind and by the time she was back in the mansion, she was terrified. There was no way she could tell him. What if she lost him? _I pretty much don't have him anymore _She thought as she worked on her lab, trying to actually concentrate.

She knew what she had to do next. Even it Erik hadn't asked her to do so, she said she would. They had to get that weapon before the X-Men did, because she didn't even want to think what that would lead to.

If there was one think she knew, was that that weapon was not going to Washington. Oh no, it was going straight into Charles's hands. It was always that way. He was a son of a bitch for lying. There were only three other X-men that knew about this little dishonesty. Scott Summers, Hank McCoy and Ororo Munroe. Jean wasn't even supposed to know, she was thought to be as clueless as the rest of them. They thought they were working for a cause… _Get out of that cloud, morons _She thought bitterly.

She sighed and snapped off her latex gloves, throwing them away and heading upstairs to pack a small bag. Her flight left in four hours.

* * *

Scott was resting, when there was that annoying knock on his hotel door in Washington. He tried to ignore it, but the knocking didn't stop. Groaning, he got out off the bed and opened the door harshly, just to stare astonished.

"Surprise!" Jean cheered joyfully, throwing her arms around him.

"Jean?" He was really stunned. "What are you doing here?" He asked when she pulled away.

"I just wanted to surprise my boyfriend." Jean said as she made her way inside, checking out the room with wondrous eyes. "Wow, the Professor got you a good deal."

She put her bag down and turned around to see Scott still standing by the door. "Aren't you even gonna say hello?"

"Hi." He muttered out, and then chuckled. "I'm just really surprised, that's all."

Jean gave him a warm smile, before moving over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Well, I just thought that things between us had been getting bad, and I thought maybe sometime away might help us."

Scott was really surprised at how she was acting, but put his hands on her waist anyways. "Really?"

"Yeah." Jean said softly. "I really love you Scott, and I want to work things out."

Smiling, Scott kissed her, and Jean knew that she had fooled him, again.

* * *

That night during dinner, Jean and Scott talked, for a long time… She slowly turned the conversation into business, until she asked the question she came all this way for. "So do you know when the weapon is going to be transferred yet?"

Since their conversation had led up to the weapon and the transfer, Scott wasn't surprised when she asked this. "No, not yet." He said.

Jean knew he was lying. "Oh." She shifted in her seat. "When will you know?" She played him.

"Soon." He simply said, putting and end to the conversation, and Jean slumped down in her chair with a low, annoyed groan.

* * *

When they got back to the hotel room, Scott went to take a shower. Jean waited until she heard the water running inside the bathroom, before she went over to his briefcase and opened it, taking a quick look at the documents he had. It was all about the weapon, about how it worked, what it did, and as soon as she found that nothing there could help her, she put it all back how it was and started looking through the drawers, his jacket, and then finally, his phone.

Before she could really get into it, the water stopped and she quickly put his phone back where it was before, and soon, he was stepping out of the bathroom with wet hair and a towel around his waist. She just smiled at him and he smiled back.

"You haven't changed?" He asked her with a frown.

"I was waiting for you." Jean said and bit her lower lip seductively, moving over to him.

Scott smirked as she kissed him, and pulled her closer. He was getting lost in the feel of her lips when she gently pulled away, teasing him. "So… if you don't know anything yet, then what have you been doing here all these days?" Jean asked him between kisses, dazing him. She knew exactly what to do, where to touch, what to say, and he soon would be putty in her hands.

Scott shuddered when she nibbled his lower lip. "Looking over everything else." He answered out of breath, leading her to the bed.

She lay down and he settled on top of her, kissing her neck now. "Come on Scott, I can tell you already know when the mission is." She whispered against his ear and he chuckled, confirming her statement.

"You know me too well." He said, slowly sliding the straps of her silver cocktail dress off her shoulders. "But I'm still not telling." He said humorously.

Jean gave him a smirk. "Tease." She playfully slapped his arms as he slid off her dress. He always thought it was a game, he never suspected the trap he was walking into as she was left in her underwear only.

"Well, what are you willing to do for me to reveal that information, Miss Grey?" He said as professionally as he could, but the grin on his face was giving him away.

Jean giggled. "You know what." She said seductively as she unhooked her bra and threw it away. "And I'm pretty sure it's a fair bargain."

She could see him more than giving in. It still amazed her how he had no idea, how he never thought of it to be more than a game of tease.

"I'd say you don't play fair." He gave back before taking a nipple into his mouth. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to not feel. She didn't. She had all these years of practice. She could simply walk into that numb state of her mind so that she wouldn't feel his touches.

She had been frozen inside since what happened with Sarah, and she didn't care about anything anymore. She didn't care what she used her body for any longer. She felt dead inside. But Logan changed that. Her eyes snapped open as she thought of Logan.

She remembered how alive she felt when they first made love, how her walls had tore down by themselves to him. She suddenly felt tears coming to her eyes but quickly fought them back, focusing on the task at hand.

Scott had started kissing her lips again, and was now throwing his towel away, reaching to her thong. "No." She suddenly stopped him, her TK wrapping around his hand. "You haven't done your part of the agreement." She said with a teasing kiss.

"Jean." Scott groaned, knowing she would not let him go until he told her, because that was how she played these games. "Next Wednesday evening, at ten." He whispered into her ear slowly, and saw her satisfied smirk, the smirk she got every time he surrendered.

He grinned back at her, pulling her thong off and soon he was thrusting into her with a groan.

Again, Jean closed her eyes, feeling nothing and lay still, waiting for him to finish.

* * *

Jean lay on her side with her back to a sleeping Scott. The room was dark, and she simply stared at emptiness. She had gotten what she came for and that as all that mattered. Right?

She really felt nothing, she felt cold, frozen, and knew that there was only one person that could make the familiar stiffness go away. She had grown accustomed to it, but after Logan, she couldn't stand it.

She needed him. She took a deep breath, feeling her heart break.

**Ok, so what did you think? It was so hard to write about Scott and Jean, I really hated it, but Hell, I think it was worth it, no? Review!! **


	8. Revelations

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OK, here is chap 8, I hope you like it!! Review…

_Revelations_

It was Sunday evening, and everybody was in the rec-room. Rogue was half asleep in Bobby's arms since the movie was apparently too boring, and Bobby was trying to keep his eyes open as well. Storm was seating close to Warren, while Kitty and the Professor had a conversation in whispers.

Jean, Scott and Logan weren't there though. Scott was still in Washington and Jean had gotten back two nights ago but wasn't in the mood for a movie, and as for Logan, no one knew.

Jean sat on her bed with some documents spread on her bed and her laptop computer on her lap, making notes. She had searched Scott's hotel room as best as she could, and now she knew that they were gonna drive the weapon from Dugway to an Air Force Base in Colorado, and then it was gonna fly to Washington. Now the problem was that there were four Air Force Bases in Colorado, and so the Brotherhood would have to split up.

As she read more about Schriever Air Force Base, she dismissed it as a possibility because it didn't have a runway. Then there was Buckley Air Force Base. She typed it down and moved on to Peterson Air Force Base. The last one was a United States Air Force Academy and she typed it down.

She worked for a couple more hours, before she put everything away and got out of bed, seeing it was a little past midnight. The movie had to be over, and she needed to talk to Charles.

She went straight to his room and knocked on his door. "Professor?"

"Come in." He called and Jean came in slowly. He was already in bed, but he was reading a book. "Jean, my dear, what can I do for you?" He asked sweetly and she hid her disgust for the man. She hated when he called her 'dear'.

"I need to talk to you." She said and stood besides him.

"What about?"

"Well, I was wondering if I could get some time off." She acted shy, wanting him to see the little lost girl he always thought she was.

"Time off? But we haven't had anything major these days; I thought everybody was getting a good rest."

"Yeah, but the thing is that…" She trailed off, seating on the edge of his bed. "You know that Scott and I haven't been doing too well, and I just feel so…" She sighed. "Stressed."

"I see." Xavier folded his hands together on his book, leaning comfortably on the pillows. "Well what do you plan to do with this time off? And for how long?" He questioned.

"Oh, just a week, maybe two." Jean told him. "I wanna travel, go somewhere, maybe Florida, and get a tan."

Charles laughed. "All right, that sounds fair, considering you've been working so hard this past year, it's only fair."

Jean smiled brightly. "Thank you."

She was gone early next morning, driving off in her sedan as fast as she could. She didn't make a stop anywhere; she just kept driving until she reached her destination. She parked her car inside the woods when it was almost noon already, and she grabbed her bag, walking into the green, knowing full well where she was headed.

Soon she was stopped by Marcus, but he immediately let her pass, and she smiled at him as she walked into the busy camp. Everyone was moving around, and most knew very well who she was. Many greeted her since they were friends, but the new ones stepped aside and respectfully let her pass. Soon she got to the cottage and startled Erik.

"Jean!" He nearly yelled. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!"

She was trying not to giggle as she put her bag down and took some stuff out. "Ease up big guy, it's not like I'm Phoenix today."

Eric snorted. "What are you doing here anyways?"

"I told your old pal Charles to give me some time off, so here I am." She simply said and placed her laptop on a small corner of the wrecked desk.

"Oh come on Jean, your overworking yourself again." The British coated voice came from behind them as Emma came inside and hugged Jean tightly.

"Hey Frosty." Jean teased her, since the blonde's hands were freezing cold.

"Hey Red." Emma teased her right back and Jean glared at her. "You started it." Emma defended herself.

"Anyways." Eric broke the game between them. "Jean, you shouldn't be here."

Jean sighed. "I know." She simply said. "But it'll be ok."

They gave her worried looks, but she just rolled her eyes. "Come on! Since when can someone be blamed for wanting to spend some time with her family?"

"Since the risks are too high." Erik said standing up, just as Jason came in, surprised at the sight of the red-head.

Jean took a deep breath. "I just came 'cause I wanted to, all right? However, the risks are my own." She said and greeted Jason with a peck on the cheek.

"But Jean-" Emma started to protests, but Jean shook her head.

"No! I don't wanna hear it, ok?" She nearly yelled. "Plus, I've got something to show you, I know when the weapon is going to be transferred."

Erik raised his eyebrows as did Jason, but Emma already knew this, since Jean had contacted her.

"Jean, no matter what you found, you don't have to risk your life coming all the way over." Erik told her, moving over to her, trying to place his hands on her shoulders, but she was moving too much.

"They are taking the weapon to Colorado, then there gonna-"

"Jean!" Jason shouted, stopping her typing fingers. "Stop this!"

"No!" Jean gave back. "I just want to help!" She almost screamed.

There was a silence between them, all shocked at Jean's outburst. Emma gently stepped up to Jean and pulled her out of the cottage. Jean didn't protest and let Emma lead her out into the green.

When they stopped, the sounds of the camp had long faded. "Jean…"

Jean looked away from Emma. "I have to tell him." She whispered. "I can't take this anymore."

"Jean, you can't." Emma tried to reason with her. "You don't know what he'll do."

"You know what?" Jean snapped back. "I really don't care what will happen, but I have to tell him."

"What do you mean you don't care?"

"I mean that I can't take not knowing!" Jean yelled back, her powers making the branches around them shake. "I just have to get it out of my chest."

"But Jean… you've been through so much." Emma pushed a strand of red hair behind Jean's ear and cupped her face. "I honestly don't know if you can take another hit."

Jean closed her eyes. "I guess we'll find out." She pulled away from Emma and walked back to the camp, the blonde following close behind.

Jean stepped back into the cottage and simply told them what she had found.

"So we'll split up in three groups." Jason said after Jean told them about the bases.

"Yes, we will." Jean nodded. "And also, I would like to go with the team to COS."

Erik shook his head immediately. "Absolutely not."

"Erik…" Jean sighed.

"Jean it's too dangerous, you can't come with us against the X-men, what if they recognize you?" Jason said next.

"I'm a fucking telepath, I can handle it!" Jean gave back.

"Jean, what has gotten into you? You know the risks for Christ's sake!" Erik yelled.

"And why COS? Why Peterson Air Force Base?" Emma asked.

"I don't know," Jean sighed. "I just don't know why that name seems so familiar. I want to go."

Everyone just stared at her, and Jean shook her head. "Look, you can't talk me out of it, ok? So you might as well just stop babbling about it." Jean said firmly. "I'm going."

* * *

Logan walked down the noisy hall. It was past noon on a Wednesday, and the kids were having lunch.

He finally got to Jean's room and was about to knock on the door when a scent reached his nose. He growled deep in his throat and was about to walk away, when Scott came out of the room.

"Logan." Scott said his name and closed the door behind him. "What are you doing here?" Even through his red glasses, Logan could see him glaring.

"Just passing by." He shrugged. "Why? Is that against the law or something?"

"No, not at all." Scott said scornfully, not even trying to hide his dislike for the man.

Logan ignored him and walked away. "Idiot." He murmured under his breath as he walked out of the mansion and lit a cigarette. About three weeks ago he would have smirked at Scott thinking he had Jean, when it was Logan who had her, but now…

He didn't know what to think anymore. It was all so messed up now, he didn't know what to believe, and Jean… where she was right now he didn't even know.

He sighed. He always knew she was hiding something, but he never thought it was anything big, but by the way she was behaving, he was afraid that what they had had all been a lie.

Before he could think any further, he heard Charles voice in his head calling the X-men for a meeting.

* * *

The Brotherhood was already on their way to Colorado. Jean and Emma sat together, and the entire team was in black. Psylocke and Husk along with Pyro were also in the team, and this time they were all gonna wear masks, so it wouldn't seam suspicious that Jean was the only one with her face covered. Cannonball was also with them.

As they approached Colorado, Emma could see Jean's mind drifting off. She touched Jean's hands and startled the red-head. "Jean, are you sure you wanna do this?"

Jean gave her a small smile and nodded.

* * *

The X-men team transferring the weapon took a right turn at highway 1038, getting closer to their destination. Storm drove in the bulletproof BMW in front of the truck with Colossus, while in the truck were some guards with Kitty, Rogue and Logan. In the car behind them drove Cyclops, Kurt and Iceman. Above the truck, sat Warren, feeling the cold air as he watched from the top of the truck at the car in front and the car in the back.

* * *

The Brotherhood team was hidden in the shadows nearby COS, Peterson Air Force Base. They're orders were to stay put and watch out. If the weapon was coming their way, to alert the other two teams.

Psylocke took a deep breath as she felt a strange presence. "They're close." She suddenly whispered and everyone looked at her. "They're coming our way."

Jean's heart skipped a beat. "I feel them too."

"All right." Emma stood up. "Let's get this party started people."

Cannonball hit the gas and drove them closer to the base, while the others charged or checked their weapons.

* * *

Storm sat up straight as the gates opened to allow them to drive into the base, suddenly getting a bad feeling. They drove towards the runway, when suddenly she heard gunshots.

She gasped and looked behind her, ducking as she saw people covered in black getting out of a van not far from them and coming towards them. She gave Colossus a worried glance and took off her belt, about to tell the driver to stop, but she screamed when a ball of fire shot towards them and exploded, flipping the car in the air and crashing back to the ground in flames upside down.

"Shit!" Warren cursed as he saw the explosion and he spread his wings. Inside, since truck came to an abrupt stop, it sent Kitty, Rogue, Logan and the guards against the walls. "Oh, no." Rogue sighed.

Cyclops got out of the car in a rush, ducking as bullets shot towards them. Kurt teleported Icemen and he out of the car and to the side of the truck then started to fight the two figures in the black trying to get in the truck.

Logan growled, extracting his claws, while the guards held there weapons high. "Come on."

When they got out of the truck, they ducked two fireballs sent from Pyro, but they could only guess, because their opponents were all covered in masks.

Warren flew above them towards the fire, and Logan rammed his claws against a person holding Cyclops down.

"I could have taken care of myself." Scott groaned, standing up.

"Yeah right." Logan gave back and they joined Kurt, Iceman, Kitty and Rogue and a few guards fighting Pyro, Emma and Cannonball.

Kurt tried to teleport, but yelled when he felt his brains being ripped apart by Emma, while Iceman fought Pyro.

Logan suddenly caught a familiar scent. He looked up and tried to sniff it out. "Jean?" but his distraction earned him a blast from Cannonball in the chest, sending him backwards.

Meanwhile, Psylocke caught sight of Warren trying to get someone out of the burning car. She walked towards him and heard a warning scream from someone inside the car and he blocked her punch. She was taken aback by his move and they were soon caught in a battle as well.

When Jean saw Cannonball hit Logan, she felt her breath catch in her throat. She had to force her legs to move towards the truck, looking over her shoulder as she got inside.

A guard inside surprised her but with a twist of her mind he was dead on the floor the next second. She moved to the locked case in a corner, studding it. It was as big as a shoe box, and had a keypad. The case was obviously made of titanium. She bit her lip and concentrated, letting her telekinesis travel into the case, when she was startled by a presence behind her. She moved aside just as a pipe hit the box hard, barely missing her.

It was Kitty. Jean stood up and stared at the young woman. Kitty held the pipe in her hands, waiting for the person with a black mask in front of her to make a move. Jean took a deep breath and blocked Kitty's hit with a yell, and pushed her against the wall. Kitty tried to kick her, but Jean blocked it, the young woman trying to hit her again. This time Jean used her powers and the pipe in Kitty's hand flew out of the truck and the surprise made Kitty loose her focus, and she was soon pinned face first to the ground,

"Get of me!" She screamed, just as another person ran into the truck and kneeled in front of the case.

It was Emma kneeling in front of the case now. She took out a device from her pocket and worked it on the combination as Jean held Kitty.

Jean hadn't let go yet because Kitty was struggling too much, and she couldn't think of how to tie her up if she could phase through her bounds.

"You know what?" Emma said, grabbing the case. "I'm just gonna take this. Let's go." She yelled and ran out of the truck.

Psylocke finally knocked Warren out and she turned her body into the shadows, slipping away and getting the van.

Logan was trying to get to Cannonball, but the mutant kept blasting him away. Inside the truck, Jean let go of Kitty and ran out, but Kitty caught up with her and tackled her, sending them both to the ground.

Logan looked up once again, his eyes fixed on the person fighting Kitty.

Jean blocked Kitty's every punch and hit her with her telekinesis, but she knew Kitty to be stronger as she stood up and kicked Jean in the stomach. Jean bent down couching, but quickly pushed Kitty against the truck.

Kitty struggled against Jean's hands around her neck, cutting off her airway. She tried to move her hand down, to the knife in her belt, and tried to breathe, but the hold around her neck was too tight. She finally got the knife and quickly raised it, stabbing her opponent in the shoulder.

Jean screamed, letting go off Kitty. She fell to the ground, pulling the knife out of her shoulder, not aware of Logan's eyes on her.

"Jean!" Pyro quickly helped her up and the van got there just in time, and they all got in and drove off.

Bobby helped Kitty up, while Scott and Logan ran to the fire. Colossus had gotten out by himself, but Storm was still screaming inside. They got her out and she was hurt badly, so they got her to a hospital quickly.

* * *

As they drove off, the van was filled with Jean's cries. Emma took off her mask and Jean's. "It's ok, just breathe."

She told Pyro to get her a wet cloth and then took the shirt off of Jean, socking her hands in blood. "Oh God." She gasped, hearing Jean scream in pain. "OK, just breathe Jean." She looked deep into Jean's wet eyes, and Jean knew what she was trying to do.

"Please." Jean cried, sobbing at the pain, and finally, Emma managed to get her unconscious. Only silence filled the van as Emma started cleaned the bleeding wound.

* * *

"Now what?" Scott asked frustrated as he stood in the Professor's office. "They have the weapon and we have no idea where they are or what they are gonna use it for."

"There is just nothing we can do for now but wait." Rogue said, folding her arms in front of her chest.

"I am a hundred percent sure it was the Brotherhood, I mean, who the hell else has so many mutants?" Bobby said.

"The Hell Fire Club." Kitty said and everyone glared at her. "What?"

"At the moment there is nothing we can do." Xavier spoke loudly, leaning against his chair. "Right now we should get some rest."

Everyone stood up with a groan or a sight and soon they were all gone.

"Logan, I would like you to…" The Professor paused when he saw that Logan was in his own world at the moment, staring out the window thoughtfully. "Logan."

Logan looked back at the Professor. "Yeah?"

"You seem distant. Is something wrong?"

Logan snorted. "We just lost the weapon, do I need another reason?"

Charles sighed. "No"

"Do you know where Jean is?" Logan suddenly asked.

"I told you already, she took some time off."

"Yeah, yeah you said that." Logan groaned. "But where did she go? And why now?"

"She did not say, she just wanted some time for herself." He answered. "Why?"

Logan didn't say anything else and left the office.

* * *

"You sure you wanna go back so soon?" Jason asked her concerned, seeing her trying to sit up on the bed, her right shoulder covered by a white dressing.

"I've been away for almost two weeks." Jean groaned. "I have to go back."

"Well how are you gonna explain the wound?" Emma asked her and tried to help her, but Jean didn't let her.

"I'll figure it out." Jean slowly stood up, taking a deep breath, holding her arm very still. "I'll be fine." She gave them a reassuring smile.

Emma hugged her gently. "Are you gonna do it?" She whispered in Jean's ear.

Jean stiffened. "I don't know."

"You shouldn't." Emma said.

"I'll do whatever I want." Jean gave her a stern look. "There's nothing you can do about it."

"I'm just trying to help you Jean."

"Well how about supporting me for once?" Jean gave back, shocking Emma.

Jean didn't wait for Emma to respond, she just left.

* * *

When Jean finally got back to the mansion, she was lucky it was during class, so she could get in without too many hugs at once. She walked up to her room quickly, where she saw Rogue.

"Jean! You're back." The girl said happily.

"Yeah, I heard about what happened." Jean said in a sorry tone. "I guess I'll have the Professor brief me on it."

"Yeah, but he's in class right now."

"Oh, then I'll catch him later." Jean smiled.

"Sure. Good to see ya again." Rogue beamed and continued towards the kitchen.

Jean went back up to her room and was thankful to see Scott wasn't in yet. She put her bag down and turned back around, gasping when she saw Logan standing at her door, leaning against the frame. "Logan, you scared me."

"You seam to be very jumpy." He moved over to her and Jean sighed.

"Logan please, I'm not in the mood for arguing, ok?" Jean told him, watching as he moved closer to her. "Logan…" He stood only a few inches away from her.

"How was your vacation?" He was giving her that look that intimidated her, but she composed herself.

"It's not a good time right now Logan, I just got back and I wanna…" Jean cried out softly when Logan porously placed his hand on her shoulder and barely squeezed. "Logan." Jean gasped, feeling her knees wanting to give out under her from the pain.

He let go and ripped her jacket open, pulling the neckline of her cotton shirt roughly, ripping it a bit, and revealing the dressing on her shoulder. Jean didn't stop him, she just winced, biting her lip hard and closing her eyes. She didn't know what hurt more, his rough touch or the fact that he was doing it intentionally._ He knows…_

"You wanna explain that?" He almost yelled at her, making her jump.

"I fell when I was-" She started to lie, opening her eyes but looking down.

"Oh please!" Logan shouted. "Ya gonna start lying now?"

Jean only started at him, tears streaming down her face.

"Who the hell are you Jean?" Logan yelled again, anger clear on his face.

Jean couldn't meet his eyes. "You know who I am." She said barely above a whisper.

"NO!" Logan yelled. "No, I have no idea who the fuck you are anymore, Jean."

Jean let out a sob. "I'm sorry."

Logan only shook his head and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him, leaving Jean to cover herself up and cry.

**All right! So Logan knows now!! What did you think of the chap? I don't know if I did well on the action scene. So let me know!!!! Review lots and lots everybody!!! **


	9. Costume makes the clown

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Ok, so I know you're all very anxious for this chap, so I tried to make it long as well, don't know how much you're gonna like it because it's soooooooo dam tragic, but I love it. R&R!!!!

_Costume makes the clown _

Jean sat on a chair in her room with her legs crossed, staring at the fire creaking in front of her, her eyes distant, and her head in a thousand different thoughts. She tried to think of what would happen, how things will turn out to be, different scenarios playing in her mind's eye.

It had been five days, and she hadn't seen Logan since. He hadn't come out of his room or anything, as far as she knew.

All the X-men were away on a mission again, to recover the weapon, but she hadn't cared for it, she just couldn't seam to care about anything lately. She was still waiting for what seamed to be the inevitable, waiting for Logan to tell someone. She had locked herself away, hiding her pain so deep that she wasn't even sure what she felt any longer. She was so afraid, and she felt so lost, she couldn't seam to hold it all in any longer.

She took a deep breath and leaned over, grabbing the half-empty glass of whiskey. She watched the glass for a couple of seconds, before she tipped it against her lips and felt the liquid burn her throat as it rushed down, the feeling making her grimace. She clenched her eyes shut and put the glass down, waiting for the burn to subside. She hissed when she moved her right arm and felt her right shoulder shoot her with pain.

She told Scott that she had wounded her shoulder when she had been swimming in the sea, that she wasn't sure what she had hit, but she was fine. She couldn't come up with anything better; she just hoped that they would fall for it.

She opened her tear stained eyes and sniffled, grabbing the still full bottle of Jack Daniel's, about to pour herself another glass. She was so angry at herself, she felt dirty, worse than a whore, and angrily she threw the glass against the wall, watching it crash into pieces and took a swing from the bottle, getting used to the burn running down her throat.

She had thought about going to Logan's room to talk, but the fear held her back. She had been taking pan killers, but hated to admit she had also been self-medicating, mostly migraine pills, but she knew she was taking more than she needed.

She swallowed hard and stood up, feeling her head spinning and her shoulder throbbing. She walked to her bed where she had dropped her purse and grabbed it, looking for something inside. When she finally came up with the bottle of pills, she opened it and threw three small white tablets into her mouth, before walking to the table and taking another swing from the bottle, feeling her throat go numb as she swallowed the migraine pills with the whiskey. She then grabbed the other smaller bottle and swallowed two painkillers.

She didn't know what she was thinking at the moment, what he was thinking of her. Did he think that she had been using him?

She felt dizzy all of a sudden, and sat down, holding her head. She rubbed her temples, trying to get her head to stop aching. She felt her skin was very hot, and her face was flushed, even if she was only wearing a light shirt and jeans.

As far as everyone else was concerned, she had stayed home because she couldn't move her arm very well, and as for Logan, most didn't care. He just had another of his mood swings, what else were they to think?

Jean whimpered when her head just hurt more and took another swing of the alcohol. She lay down on the couch and stared up at the ceiling, breathing hard. She felt the world was crashing down on her, the darkness taking over her once again, and she let out a sob, feeling tears come to her eyes.

"Please…" She whimpered, talking to no one in particular, the words just rolling off her lips. "Stop." It was as if the pain was getting worse and worse, her head pounding and her heart bursting. She got up and swallowed two more migraine pills along with another pain killer, sniffling as she brought the whiskey bottle to her lips and took another gulp.

Deep inside she knew that she wasn't trying to make the physical pain go away, not her headache or her shoulder. She was trying to get her heart to stop killing her, trying to get herself to stop thinking about him, trying to keep from crying out to him…

* * *

Logan stood in his room, looking out the window, his eyes on the darkness of the night. It was almost 10pm. The X-men had left about an hour ago, and Charles was out in a meeting with Moira.

He lit yet another cigar, stepping away from the window. He sighed. He didn't know what to do. He was so fucking angry that just the thought of Jean made him want to kill someone. It had all been a big freaking lie, all that innocent act when he got here, and the worst part was that he believed her, that he was just so stupid to be tricked by her charms, and she was just using him.

He couldn't believe it; he never thought that she could do something like this. But now he realized that he hadn't known her at all. He wasn't even sure who she was.

She was so beautiful, he couldn't help it, and he couldn't help to be attracted. He thought that she understood him and cared for him, but now, for all he knew she thought he was a freak and a savage animal that let himself be tamed by a pretty face.

He threw the cigar butt away and looked for some beer, but realized he had drank it all.

He growled and got out of the room. He honestly didn't know why the hell he didn't tell the Professor, why hadn't he rated her out? She certainly deserved it.

He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of beer and sighed. He wanted an answer, that's what he wanted. Why was she doing this? He refused to think that there wasn't an explanation.

* * *

Jean leaned against the table with her head in her hands, waiting for the pills to take affect, but it wasn't working. She felt tears streaming down her face and let out another sob, sniffling, rubbing her temples again, but the pain just increased. "Dam it!" She cried out and finished the few tablets that were left in the bottles, not noticing that she was almost done with the whiskey as well.

She cleared her throat and tried to clear her head, but suddenly the whole world was spinning in front of her. She started panting, her heart racing faster and faster and she started crying desperately, falling to her knees. "Logan…" She whispered, taking in a deep breath and letting out a louder sob, feeling her head pounding harder and harder.

She started to feel out of breath, and she closed her eyes, trying to get herself under control. She stood up, her sobs slowing down as she grabbed the glass bottle and drank the last of the liquid. She sat on the ground and stared into space, before feeling dizzier.

She felt so hot, her skin now completely flushed and she could barely keep her eyes open. She felt sick, and when she stood up, she couldn't keep her knees from shaking. She turned to the table but remembered she had finished the pills. She moved over to the door, not noticing she wasn't walking straight, she just wanted to get some water, or anything that could help her.

* * *

Logan slammed the fridge door closed and everything inside shook. He walked towards his room when he picked up on a very disturbing scent. He knew she had stayed in the house, but there was something else there. He concentrated and frowned when he smelt a heavy amount of liquor. He growled, trying to get his feet to move the other way, but he found himself following her scent. He wanted answers, right now. And when else could he get her alone anyways?

As Jean walked down the hall, she almost tripped on her own feet, so she leaned against the wall for support, feeling her stomach turn. She had her eyes half closed and the dim lighted hall seamed to be getting longer and longer, plus she was panting again, her head dizzier than ever.

She thought she heard someone call her name but ignored it. She didn't realize she was walking slower and slower, her legs shaking underneath her.

"Logan…" She suddenly gasped out, feeling her world crumble and for a moment she thought she saw him walking over to her, before she felt everything go black.

* * *

Logan walked up the stairs and was surprised when he saw Jean. She looked sick, flushed and dizzy, trying to walk, supporting herself on the wall. "Jean?" Worry filled his chest and he moved faster over to her, calling her name again, feeling his heart heavy. But she didn't answer, she was panting hard and he heard her say his name, before she collapsed on the ground unconscious.

"Jean!" He shouted her name and fell on his knees besides her, feeling all his anger and remorse and pain disappear, only fear for her filling his mind. "Jeannie?"

He touched her forehead and then wrapped his hand around her neck, trying to feel her pulse. His heart skipped a beat when he didn't find one. He leaned down, trying to hear her breathe, only to find that she wasn't.

"Jean." He didn't even realize that he was saying her name over and over again as he preformed CPR on her, pressing his mouth against hers and trying to help her breathe. He saw her chest rise as he pushed air into her airway, but she still wasn't breathing herself.

"Come on Jean, don't do this to me." He whispered, noticing he was looking at her through tear stained eyes. He compressed his hands against her chest hard once, twice… "Come on Jean breathe!"

He leaned down and breathed into her mouth again. "Please, Jeannie." he started begging, his voice broken as he began chest compressions again, saying her name again and again, and didn't care that hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

He felt like screaming by now, desperate. He was about to call her name again when he heard her gasp, her mouth opening slightly as she inhaled, then exhaled slowly.

"Thank God." He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding as his heightened senses picked up on her once again beating heart. "Jeannie..." She was still unconscious, and he wrapped his arm behind her shoulder, lifting her up a little and kissing her forehead, holding her close as he rocked back and forth, relieve flooding him.

* * *

When Jean came to again, she groaned at her maddening headache, and didn't even think about seating up, or moving at all.

She slowly opened her eyes to a very dim room. She looked around, trying to remember what happened, when she met Logan's eyes. She felt her breath catch in her throat and she could only stare at him.

He was seating on a chair besides the bed she lay on, and she soon realized she was in his room. "Logan?" She asked hoarsely, her throat sore.

He didn't say anything, he wasn't even looking at her, he was looking away, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Logan?" Jean said again, moving a little to the side but moaned at her throbbing shoulder. Why was it hurting more than before? "What happened?"

"I found two empty bottles of pills and an empty bottle of whiskey in your room." He simply said, still not looking at her.

She frowned, staring at him, trying to remember. "What?" She closed her eyes when she recalled drinking from the bottle of alcohol, and gasped when she remembered the pills. "Oh…"

"You passed out; you fell on your shoulder." He informed her as he stood up and went over to the table, pouring a glass of water.

Jean pressed her face against the pillow, tears coming to her eyes as he came over to her and supported her head as he helped her drink the water. When she finished, she leaned back again and watched through her tears as he sat back on his chair. "Thank you." She whispered, feeling her heart clench painfully.

"Yeah." He only said, passing a hand through his hair. He wasn't so angry anymore, he was just relieved that she finally woke up, and that she seamed fine. "How you feeling."

Jean could see the concern in his eyes, and couldn't help letting a tear fall. "I'm ok." She said barely above a whisper.

They didn't say anything for a long time, but Jean decided that she had to take a chance. "Logan, I…" She breathed in, holding her sobs. "I feel like I own you an explanation."

"You think?" He said rudely and Jean looked away, hurt. But she knew she couldn't blame him. "You better start talking." He said in a deep angry voice that sent shivers down her spine.

"I'm sorry." She said softly, biting her lips when tears escaped her eyes. "I never meant to hurt you." She watched as he leaned back and set all he's senses on her. "I never thought thing would get this far."

"But I was so afraid to tell you." She confessed. "I was so scared of loosing you." She looked away again. "So I kept lying."

"It wasn't fair to you." Jean whispered, and then raised her voice again. "And I had no right. But I still love you." She saw him stiffen when she said this. "I never stopped."

_Told you I felt lucky with my humble days  
Well I don't_

"And I don't know what to do to make it right." She said in a broken voice.

Logan didn't say anything for a long time; he only stared at her, trying to believe her. "Tell me why."

"Why what?" Jean asked, trying to seat up.

Logan stood up and helped her until she was leaning against the headboard. He sat down besides her this time, looking deep into her eyes. "Everything." He whispered. "Tell me everything.

Jean opened her mouth to protest at that, but closed it again, feeling tears streaming down her cheeks again. "I don't…" She trailed off, sobbing. "I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?" He asked her rather angrily, and Jean cried like a little child.

"I don't want to." She cried. "It's too painful to go back to it all."

_Said that I was sure the world was gonna change  
Well I'm not_

"You always tell me to stop running." He reminded her. "You tell me it doesn't do any good." He could see her fear and pain, and tried to hold his anger down. He needed answers… "Tell me."

Jean stopped her cries, sobbing quietly, knowing that she had no way out of his, so she gave up, and taking a deep breath, she started talking.

"The night of my sixth birthday," She started, her eyes set on nothing in particular as she spoke. "Something happened in my house.

"I only remember some of it because it was so long ago; I only remember bits and pieces, like flashes in my mind." She paused, looking down at her hands now. "But I do remember a lot of blood."

Logan frowned at that, asking her to continue.

"I remember I woke up a little over midnight at the sound of footsteps." She looked far away, and Logan realized she was trying to remember more. "At first they were very quiet, and I thought someone had gotten up or something, but then my gut told me that it was something else."

"I remember hearing a scream, my mother's scream," She paused, Logan staring at her as she talked. "I was afraid, so I hid under my bed.

_Swore I didn't give a damn 'bout what they say  
But I do_

I could see from under the doorframe that someone was there." Tears filled Jean's eyes and she fumbled with her fingers. "Next thing I remember is a man pulling me out from under the bed." Her voice was braking again. "He had a knife dripping with my parent's blood."

Logan listened in disbelief. "What happened?"

Jean sobbed. "I don't know, my powers just did something. He was about to kill me when the knife turned on him by itself, and stabbed him."

Logan placed a hand on hers, and was surprised when she took it in a tight grip. "I remember going to my parent's room, and seeing blood everywhere, on the bed, on the floor, and my father had his eyes open, but he was dead, so was my mother." He felt as if she had gone rigid, cold, her memories stilling her. She wasn't crying any longer.

_Promised that I'll never ever lie to you_

"I tried to get my mother to wake up, and I socked myself in her blood."

"I don't remember how, but there was a fire in the house, I think the killer set it so when he was done there would be no evidence.

"I was on the streets for a couple of days, when Erik found me."

Logan raised his eye brows at that. "Then what? You went with him?"

Jean snorted. "What was I to do? It was the middle of winter, I was in shock, I was cold, I was lost, and I was still so little." She defended, not even looking up at him. "And he knew who I was."

_So look at how  
I'm taking' the make-up off my face  
Before I forget my own features_

"How?" Logan asked.

"I don't know." She said, taking a deep breath. "He was very nice, he brought me to his house, where also lived Emma and Jason."

Logan scoffed. "You mean the White Queen and Master Mind?"

"The same two." Jean nodded. "They were eight-years-old at the time."

Logan shook his head, not believing what he was hearing. "So what? Did Magneto raise the three of you or something?" Logan asked mockingly.

"Actually yes, that's exactly what he did." Jean gave back with an angry glare, trying too keep her anger down.

Logan could clearly see her remorse and knew there was more she wanted to say so he let her speak. "What else happened?"

Jean looked away again. "When I was 15, I found out I had sister." Jean continued. "Apparently she had run away from home when I was only a baby.

"Erik found her and told me about her, and of course, I wanted to meet her. So I did. Her name was Sarah and she was married, she had two sons, twins."

_Cause I'm not here to let you down  
But the costume makes the clown  
That's just life's anatomy_

Logan still sat still, listening intently to her speak. She wanted to know where she was going with this.

"After some time I moved in with her, and I was very happy, because I felt as if a weigh had lifted." Tears appeared in her eyes again. "But then it happened all over again." Her voice broke as new tears streamed down her face.

"What?" Logan asked shocked.

She was crying really hard now. "You see, the thing is that all those year while with Erik, we had been under the radar, because we were mutants and he didn't want anyone knowing about us." She sobbed. "And when it happened again, I realized that the night when I was six had not been random." She was shaking now. "I was a target."

"It happened all over again," She cried out. "I heard Sarah scream, and it was as if I was hearing my mother scream again.

"I ran out of my room, to the boys' room." She sobbed. "They were so little, two four-year-olds, butchered like animals." She spat angrily.

He could barely understand what she was saying, but he watched her as she spoke. "When I got to my sister's room she was already dead, and her husband was chocking on his own blood."

"Jesus Christ." Logan whispered. He couldn't take it anymore and pulled her into his arms in an impulse and she wrapped her arms around him impossibly tight. He rocked her back and forth. She buried her face in his shoulder and he held her tighter and tighter as she spoke

"They wanted me, both times, and they only killed those around me to prevent witnesses." Jean cried, obviously angry and frustrated with herself. "If I had let them killed me the first time, Sarah wouldn't be dead, and her sons."

"It wasn't your fault." Logan whispered into her ear.

He didn't know how long passed until she calmed down a bit, still holding onto him for dear life. "I was in shock again, and now I know that both times it had been Phoenix who protected me." She spoke very softly now, sniffling. "Erik helped look into it more, find out who was it that was trying to kill me."

_Don't be so hard; don't be so hard on this  
It's your turn now to cheat on me_

"Did you find out?" Logan asked her gently.

"It was Charles." When she said this, Logan pulled away from her, and she winced when she moved her shoulder too hard.

"What?"

Jean took a deep breath, looking at him with a despicable look in her eyes. "He knew who I was, Phoenix. And thought I was too powerful to be alive." She explained.

"Are you serious?" Logan asked her and Jean nodded.

"When I found out, I asked Erik to help me."

"With what?"

_The promises I made to you went down the sink  
But I really hope I haven't harmed your self esteem_

"Erik came to Charles posing as if he didn't know about my whereabouts, and convinced him that if he couldn't destroy me, then tame me." Jean told him and Logan gave her a confused look.

"Why did he do that?"

"So that I could get my revenge." She said simply. "I acted as if I didn't know anything, as if I was lost and alone when he brought me to the mansion, and that earned me his trust." Jean said. "I could have strike back whenever I wanted to, but when I realized my being here was good resource for the Brotherhood, I decided to stay."

Logan only stared at her for a long time, before he stood up, moving over to the window.

Jean lent back, taking her eyes away from him. "After what happened with Sarah, I grew very cold inside, and I didn't care about anything or anyone anymore." She confessed, knowing he was still listening to her.

"The real reason I didn't wanna go back because I liked the cold, it felt better than pity." She said, suddenly missing his warmth. "I knew they cared for me very much, and only wanted to help me, but I didn't want it." She still looked away from him. "I just wanted to be left alone.

"When I realized the Professor wasn't telling me more about missions and everything else, I turned to his Golden Boy." When Jean said this, Logan looked back at her.

_I'm not a virgin, but I'm not the whore you think  
And I don't always smell like strawberries and cream_

"So you're with him only for data?"

Jean didn't want to look at him. "Yeah, something like that."

"What about me?" He suddenly asked and Jean did look at him this time, tears filling her red eyes. "What am I to you?"

Jean looked at him as she spoke. "Sabertooth was sent to lure you to the X-men," She started and clearly saw him stiffen. "Magneto wanted some information about Striker, and asked me to get you to talk."

Logan felt his heart sink to his stomach and felt anger rise inside him again, and he felt Wolverine raging inside of him, wanting to actually hurt her.

"When I showed you to your room, I read your mind." She confessed. "I made it look like I couldn't really, but I saw a lot that scared me."

Logan didn't say anything as she kept talking. "Then Emma and the others thought that it was time for me to get out of here, so I um…." She cleared her throat, refusing to meet his eyes now. "The plan was to seduce you, sleep with you, have Scott find out so when I left it would seam that it was because I cheated on him and was ashamed."

_  
So look at how  
I'm taking the make-up off my face  
Before I forget who I am now_

Logan snorted, greeting his teeth. "Guess you did a good job." Logan said harshly, setting his eyes out the window again, trying to control himself.

"No!" Jean cried out, standing up. "I didn't!" She stood directly behind him now, "Why do you think I'm not out yet? Why do you think I stayed?"

When she placed a hand on his shoulder, Logan suddenly turned around, pushing her against the wall, making her cry out when her shoulder bumped against the wall. "Don't you dare touch me!"

_'Cause I'm not here to let you down  
But the costume makes the clown  
It's just life's anatomy_

Jean looked at him in shock, holding her now bleeding shoulder. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again, feeling tears streaming down her face again.

Logan stood in front of her, anger flashing in his eyes, and she realized he thought she was using him. "I'm still here," She chocked out. "Because I couldn't stand the thought of leaving if it meant I would never see you again.

I feel in love."

Logan looked away when she said this, desperately wanting to believe her. "You can't expect me to just forgive you."

_Don't be so hard, don't be so hard on it  
It's your turn now  
Your turn now to lie _

"I don't." Jean said quickly. "I don't" She pushed herself off of the wall and moved over to him, while he still looked away from her. "All I need is for you to understand my reasons."

Logan sighed, his anger leveling down a little more, still trying to keep the beast down.

"And I just need you to know that I love you." Jean moved to kiss his cheek but as he turned to say something, she caught his lips instead.

_Cause I'm not here to let you down  
But the costume makes the clown  
It's just life's anatomy_

Logan couldn't help but kiss her, missing her so much that it hurt, and he brought his hands to her hips, gripping her tightly. Jean kissed him back with such ardor that it broke his heart, wanting to believe her so much… but it was too difficult. She wrapped her good arm around his neck, wanting to deepen the kiss.

He pulled away first, but his hands were still on her hips, holding her so close that there wasn't air between them. "Jeannie." He whispered and she opened her jade green eyes to meet his.

"I'm sorry I lied to you." She whispered, her arm falling to her side. "I'm really sorry."

_Don't be so hard, don't be so hard on this  
It's your turn now  
Your turn now..._

He was about to say something, when they both sensed someone. "They're back." Jean said and he let her go, clearing his throat. "I guess I'll go back to my room."

"Yeah, your husband may have some information for you." He said out of spite, not able to stop the words coming out of her mouth.

Jean felt as if he had slapped her, a hurt look crossing her features. She didn't say anything as she opened the door to his room.

"Jeannie, I-" He wanted to apologize, but she had already slammed the door closed.

**Ok, so what did you think? I want many many reviews please! I don't know if I did well with the scene where Jean passes out, so please let me know!!!! The song 'Costume makes the clown' is by Shakira, Album 'Oral Fixation'. **


	10. Narrow paths

**Hi guys! I'm so so so sorry I haven't updated in such a long time, but I have been crazy busy… So here is chapter 10 and I hope you enjoy it, and promise chapter 11 will come soon enough! **

_Narrow paths_

"Good night, mommy." The little girl muttered already half asleep as her mother kissed her forehead, pushing her daughter's long, red mane away from her face and watched as she closed her dazed eyes, obviously exhausted from the long, exiting day.

"Night, sweetheart." Elaine said softly and turned off the lamp, smiling when the Mickey Mouse clock she had gotten for Jean today for her birthday glowed in the dark.

She stood up and walked out of the room, closing it and going towards the bathroom for a shower…

Jean opened her eyes slowly when she felt too cold, and she sat up in her small bed, noticing her pink Barbie covers half on the floor. She got scared a bit at the dark and quickly pulled the blankets over her body again, closing her eyes, about to fall back asleep, when she heard footsteps outside her door.

She opened her eyes again, looking at her nightstand. She could see the needles of the clock glowing in the dark, but she had a hard time reading what it meant. Maybe one? No, it looked like two, but what about the other needle, the thickest one?

She pouted and gave up, leaning back against her pillows, sleep once again coming to claim her, but she was startled fully awake by the horrible sound of a scream, and she shot up in bed, her eyes wide.

Jean woke up all of a sudden, her eyes wide as she stared into complete darkness now, and soon realized that she was in her bedroom, in her bed, with Scott by her side, and it had only been a dream.

She took a couple of deep breaths, fighting the urge to cry. _It's ok, it was just a dream, and it's all in the past._ Jean thought to herself, sighing and stands up, making Scott stir on his side but he was still sleeping.

She went to her purse on the armchair and looked for something inside, finally coming up with the bottle of pills. She knew she should know better than to be taking them again after what happened, but she couldn't help it. She needed it to get through the day, through the silences between her and Logan and the glares he short her way, and the obvious way he ignored her…

Jean felt a knot on her throat just thinking about it. She opened the almost transparent, orange bottle and swallowed a small blue tablet, then took a pack of cigarettes out along with a lighter and walked over to the balcony.

As she closed the door behind her and felt the chilly night air clench around her, she shivered and lit her cigarette, while thinking that she was going mad.

She hadn't had nightmares like that in almost 10 years, and if she did, they were very vague, but this one had been so… real. She shivered again and placed the cigarette between her lips again, enjoying the sharp feeling in her mouth as she inhaled.

She knew it had to do with the fact that she had practically relived her past when she spoke to Logan about it. She stopped having nightmares about two years after she came to the mansion, she started having them again when she first met Logan, but she couldn't understand why, and now, again… but they had never been so vivid, as if she was back there again, almost 30 years ago.

She took a deep breath and tried to think about other things. She thought about the talk she and Logan had the night before, and the fact that they hadn't spoken since. She had really hurt him… She recalled how angry he got when they talked about Scott.

A smirk curled her lips as she thought of Scott Summers. He was so blind; it was as if those ugly red glasses enabled him to see the truth standing right in front of him. She thought that even if he didn't know she was only using him to get back at Xavier, at least he would realize that his wife was cheating on him.

But no, the great leader of the X-men had no idea that she didn't think about him when they made love, he didn't know that she used to sneak out at night to be with someone else, and would still be doing so if things were right between her and Logan.

He was a clueless pawn in her game, a game she was very much proud of arranging. But then there were the side effects… she made it a little too complicated to have a real life, real love, real anything.

Jean sighed deeply and started to notice that she was almost done with her cigarette and inhaled again and throws the end away, startled when she heard the balcony doors open. She turned around surprised, blowing the smoke out of her mouth slowly when she saw Scott standing there and looking at her, shocked.

"What are you doing?" He asked astonished, his jaw on the floor.

Jean sighed annoyed and walked past him and into the room. "What does it look like I'm doing?" She gave back loudly, aware of his eyes following her as she opened her closet and randomly pulled a shirt and a pair of pants out.

"You were… smoking." He said barely above a whisper, his mouth still agape.

Jean snorted, pulling the blue-jeans over her long legs and fastening them. "Now you're catching up." She murmured irritably.

"What are you doing?" He asked again as he watched her finish dressing and now put on her boots.

"Would you stop asking that?!" She yelled at him, zipping her boots and standing back up.

"Where are you going?" Jean felt like strangling him when he questioned her again.

"None of your business." She gave back ruthlessly, throwing a couple more stuff in her bag. She quickly reached for the door but he grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"Jean, Stop!" He shouted, turning her to look at him. "Are you all right? You're not acting like yourself." He gave her a concerned look, one that Jean returned with a vicious smile, making him frown at her.

"Oh this is me." She said angrily, pulling her arm away from his grip roughly. "The problem is that you don't know who I am." She walked out of the room before he could reply, slamming the door closed, leaving him to stand there like a complete idiot.

She was grateful to hear tat he wasn't following her. She was angry beyond believe, and she clenched her fists tightly as she walked down the hall, a vase exploding into a million pieces as she passed it. She felt blood cursing through her veins like hot lava, burning her in the most satisfying of ways.

She slammed the door to the garage open and walked to her black SUV, her hand on the handle when she stopped, sensing someone watching her. She turned around slowly when her mind recognized the presence, and her eyes met his across the room.

He was leaning against the wall, wearing his leather jacket and keys in hand, meaning he was either coming back from somewhere or on his way to said place. He was watching her, his eyes piercing into her in the way that made her think that there was no way to hide from him, and there wasn't.

"Logan." She said his name, wanting to say something else, but no words came out of her open mouth. "I'm going home." Jean said quickly, opening the door to her car slowly, but still looking at him.

Logan still gave her that cold stare that made her want to bend down and cry, feeling his hatred for her pour off of him in dreadful waves. Logan snorted, pushing himself off the wall and opening the door to the jeep, about to step in when she called out to him. "Wait!"

He looked back at her, his eyes dark as he saw her step a little closer to him. Jean sighed as she made a decision, one that she hoped she would not regret later. "Come with me." Logan gave her a confused look, smelling her scent for any more of her tricks. Jean looked away and swallowed hard, her jaw tensing. "Please."

Logan stared at her for a long time, thinking about her, about everything that had happened in the past few weeks, and wished terribly that he could trust her like he used to, wished to know who she really was. He hesitated, shifting uncomfortably where he stood, but just when Jean thought he would walk away, he moved over to the passenger seat in her car. He saw the bright smile on her face and tried to ignore it, but couldn't help the warmth that spread through him.

Jean watched the reluctant look on his face as she got in the car and started it. She sighed deeply when the digital numbers on the clock marked 4:58am, and wondered how this was going to turn out.

* * *

As they drove off, Logan looked at the window, feeling his muscles tenser than ever having her so close to him, and managed to watch her without her noticing, by seeing her reflection on the window, and couldn't make out the look on her face. She was calm as she drove the car in the brightening roads, but he could see she had light black rings under her eyes and she looked slightly pale, tired and distant.

His eyes moved to her shoulder, since she had hurt it when she passed out from the drugs and alcohol last night, but her shoulder was covered by her jacket and he could see the hint of a white dressing pocking out of the sleeve of her low-neckline shirt.

He clenched his jaw tightly, his fists closing as he thought about how she got the wound. He didn't know what she would have done if Kitty hadn't stabbed her, he couldn't bring himself to believe that Jean would have killed Kitty without another thought; he didn't know what to think of her anymore.

Jean noticed him tense up even more and felt a rush of fear, sending shivers down her spine and she shuddered, her hands tightening on the wheel. She tried to relax, even just a little bit, but she had never felt so uncomfortable in her entire life. She shifted in her seat constantly and cleared her throat a couple of times, trying to break the silence in some way, but he wasn't even blinking it seamed.

He hadn't spoken a word to her since they talked about her past, nothing at all, not even a hello, or anything. At the moment, she was concentrating as much as she could on the road, trying to keep herself from giving in and taking another pill, right in front of him. She honestly didn't know if he would even care.

She bit her lip and took in a deep breath, before finally saying something "Do you plan to never talk to me again?" She blurted out bluntly, wanting to get a reaction from him, anything, even a harsh one, but he barely even turned to look at her. "Logan." She called his name, but he simply shifted in his seat and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the chair.

Jean snorted in disbelieve, trying to keep her eyes on the dark road. She felt her face blush as her eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip again, gripping the wheel even tighter, wanting to yell and scream, but she controlled herself and didn't let out any sound as a tear slid down her face.

* * *

Logan did his best to ignore the strong smell of her tears, trying to ignore the urge to pull her into his arms and hold her, maker her pain go away… he had no way of knowing if she was only doing it to trick him, and he was trying to prepare himself for when they got to wherever they were going. He deeply doubted that she was going to take him to the Brotherhood's HQ, he didn't know where she was taking him and what she was planning, but for the moment, he pretended to be asleep.

* * *

It had been chaos; it had been total chaos when Jean showed up with Logan. Erik wasn't in, that was the only good thing, so she only had to deal with Emma and Jason. Logan had stayed in the car with had half a mind to grab the jeep and turn around, but Jean finally convinced them, saying she wouldn't let him out of her sight…

"You can come out now." Jean said softly to him when she came back from the group of people, but her smile faded when he glared at her. "I'm sorry, but you're an X-man, and-" He ignored her and got out of the car, leaving her inside to shut it off and get her bag out.

* * *

"Night, sweetheart." Elaine said softly and turned off the lamp, smiling when the Mickey Mouse clock she had gotten for Jean today for her birthday glowed in the dark.

She stood up and walked out of the room, closing it and going towards the bathroom for a shower…

Jean opened her eyes slowly when she felt too cold, and she sat up in her small bed, noticing her pink Barbie covers half on the floor. She got scared a bit at the dark and quickly pulled the blankets over her body again, closing her eyes, about to fall back asleep, when she heard footsteps outside her door.

She opened her eyes again, looking at her nightstand. She could see the needles of the clock glowing in the dark, but she had a hard time reading what it meant. Maybe one? No, it looked like two, but what about the other needle, the thickest one?

She pouted and gave up, leaning back against her pillows, sleep once again coming to claim her, but she was startled fully awake by the horrible sound of a scream, and she shot up in bed, her eyes wide.

She held her breath, listening intently for any other sound, but the darkness was scaring her, so she grabbed her teddy bear slowly with a tight grip, her heart hammering against her chest.

She was still trying to hear any other sounds, but it was all dead quite. She pulled her legs against her chest, shivering all over, and tried to see in the darkness, her lower lip quivering as she tried to pull herself into a little ball.

She gasped when she heard footsteps again and in a fit of panic jumped off her bed and crawled under it, whimpering slightly as tears streamed down her face. She sobbed out when she saw the shadow of someone from under the frame of the door.

She pressed her teddy bear against her face when the door slowly creaked open. She tensed up completely, closing her eyes and curled up into a ball again after she saw a pair of feet covered by black boots slowly walk inside.

Little Jean screamed hysterically when the owner of the boots pulled her out by her hair, and she let go of her bear, struggling wildly with no vain, crying loudly and screaming. She had her eyes clenched shut, but tears still slid out of them as the man let go of her hair and wrapped his hands around her little throat.

Jean gasps loudly, shooting up in bed and wrapping her hand around her neck, trying to breathe, waking up. She panted and squint her eyes against the darkness around her and it took a little while to realize where the hell she was. She shivered and lay back down. She was in her cottage, on her little bed, with Logan sleeping on the floor besides her. Well, she knew he wasn't asleep; he was staring at her, obviously confused.

"Bad dream." Jean told him a little out of breath, but he didn't say anything, he simply stared at her. She felt her cheeks go red and turned away from him.

She closed her eyes for a second and memories came pouring down on her… Her attacker, she didn't understand why she saw him over and over again. The image was so blurry and distant, and she was so afraid to go back there… She was having the dream over and over again, every night a little more being revealed to her, but she didn't understand why it wouldn't just stop.

She turned back to Logan, but he had closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep.

She threw on a jacket and stepped out of the small shelter she was living in now. They were only three that were finished; the rest would be done soon. Jason and Emma lived in one up to a week now, the other one was Erik's and the last one was Jean's.

At the moment, the shelters were only small cubes of cement, the door was just a rectangle shaped whole on a wall covered by a curtain, and on the wall opposite to it, was a square shaped whole making a window, covered by a piece of wood. Inside each one, was a small bed that barely stood, and a table, a worn out sofa and a cabinet. The four pieces of furniture left no space left in the tiny cottages; only a small way to each corner and a carpet lay on the ground.

She tensed up when she felt a presence near her and turned around to see the newest addition to the Brotherhood, Remmy LeBeau.

She stared at him as he walked closer to her, flipping a poker card in his hand. "Bonjour." He said to her, and she frowned.

"Hello." She whispered, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Why are you up so late?"

"Is it against the rules?" He asked in a very cliché accent that reminded Jean of movies from BC. She frowned at him again.

"N-no." Jean muttered, now remembering that he was supposed to be French.

He stepped closer to her. "It true you got the Wolverine in dere?" He motioned to her cottage, smirking at the glare she gave him.

"Do you know who I am?" She asked him dangerously, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Oui." He answered with a shrug. "The great Phoenix. The one Gambit is replacing in the X-mansion, non?"

Jean was surprised. "You're my replacement?"

"Oui." He said again, still flipping the godforsaken card in his hand.

"Who decided that?" She asked reluctantly, not liking the idea of having someone she knows nothing about to simply take the task. "And how do you plan to do my job even half as well?"

Remmy smirked. "Remmy dinks la Mable Jean does not know who he is."

Jean glared at him, trying to understand why he was talking to her in third person, but before she could fully comprehend anything about him, he said something in French she did not understand, then simply left.

She thought about calling him and asking for an explanation, but thought it better to take it up with Erik later.

"You said you were gonna keep an eye on him." Jean turned around at the source of the voice, seeing Emma standing there with a reluctant look on her face, wearing her long hair loose and sweats with a white sweater.

"What?" Jean asked, staring at Emma.

"Logan." Emma told her and motioned to Jean's cot. "You said you were gonna keep an eye on him, where is he?"

"Inside." Jean told her and moved closer to her.

"Doing what?"

"I don't know." Jean sighed.

"Jean-" Emma started but was cut off by Jean snapping at her.

"I know you're against what I did!" She yelled. "You've always been against everything single thing I do!"

"Because everything you do is despicable!" Emma yelled back. "And I try to do everything in my power to stop you from making mistake after mistake, but you are so fucking stubborn! Just like Sarah!"

Jean growled in anger and was about to hit Emma, but only turned around, trying to run off, but Emma stopped her, grabbing her arm. "You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into." Emma told her. "What you've gotten him into."

"I didn't know what else to do!" Jean cried loudly, tears now evident in her eyes. "He doesn't talk to me, he doesn't listen to me, and he hates me!" Jean's voice wavered and she pulled herself away from Emma, tears now flowing freely from her eyes. "I don't know what to do anymore!"

"Ask him." Emma told her in a softer tone.

Jean looked back at her confused. "What?"

"Ask him what he wants from you."

* * *

Logan pushed the sheets off of him and stood up, cracking his neck. He couldn't believe where he was, and while one part of him wanted to run the hell out and never look back, the other part wanted to stay… but the first one was winning. He felt an urge to pace around or something, but the cottage was so small that when they put the worn out mattress on the ground, there was no place left to even move.

He never expected the Brotherhood to live like this, he always thought they probably had a mansion as well, or at least a building, but not this. It looked like a homeless shelter, and by the look of it, it pretty much was.

He groaned and grabbed his jacket, prepared to leave, when he tripped over the small table and Jean's open bag fell to the ground, spilling everything inside to the ground. He growled, about to simply walk over the mess, when something that had fallen out caught his sight, and he bend down to take it, feeling more and more anger rise in him as the bottle of pills sounded like a rattle when he picked it up…

* * *

Emma placed her hand on Jean's shoulder, pushing her red hair back over her shoulder. "He loves you, I can see it, I can feel it, but he doesn't trust you anymore." Emma felt her heart clench when Jean looked away from her, trying to contain more tears. "Ask him what he wants from you; ask him how you can prove yourself to him."

"But he won't even talk to me." Jean sobbed, placing a hand over her face. "He hates me so much."

"You have to try, because I can't stand seeing you like this." Emma whispered and pulled Jean into a tight hug, feeling the redhead cling to her as she cried.

About half an hour later, Jean made her way back to the cottage, pushing the curtain gently aside as she went inside. She looked to the ground and frowned when she didn't see anything but wrinkled sheets there. "Logan?"

She tried to see in the darkness but there was nothing. She snapped her fingers and reached for Phoenix's powers and soon a flame light at her fingertips. She gasped when she saw Logan seating on the small sofa.

"Logan," Jean sighed after lighting a candle right besides her, feeling a rising uneasiness. "What are you doing?"

Logan didn't even look up at her, he only stared at something on the table. Jean followed his gaze, before stiffening when she saw the bottle of pills on the table. "Oh…" She sighed.

She waited for a couple of minutes, for him to say something, knowing how he felt about her taking pills, after what happened. But he didn't say a word, didn't even look up at her. She walked closer to him and crossed her arms in front of her.

She thought it better to give him an explanation. "I need them." She said softly, but knew he could hear her. "I've always taken them, every since I was 15, when Sarah died." She really didn't expect him to answer anymore, so she simply went on. "I stopped taking them when we were together, because I didn't feel like I needed them anymore." She clearly saw him stiffen in his seat when she said this, still standing over him. "But now I need them again."

Jean reached out and grabbed the bottle, opened it and tipped the bottle against the palm of her hand, shaking it slightly until two little tablets fell on her hand, then she almost pressed her hand against her mouth to eat them, but Logan shot up from the sofa and knocked the bottle out of her hands so fast, that she barely knew what had happened, and he was glaring at her angrily now as she looked back at him frightened at his outburst, and dropped the two tablets from her hand.

She waited for him to do something else, but he didn't, he only stood there and watched her. Jean set her jaw angrily and looked down at the ground to see all the pills spread on the floor. She looked up at him with tear stained eyes and yelled. "When were you gonna tell me that I didn't just pass out from the drugs and the alcohol?" She asked him but he simply watched her, still not saying anything. "Were you never gonna let me know that my heart stopped? That I was dead for at least three minutes?" She was trying to find something to do around the cot, anything that kept her shaking hands moving, but she felt trapped by his gaze. Frustrated, she started to yell. "Why did you bring me back?! So you could make me suffer like I did you?!"

Logan closed his eyes for a second and shook his head, walking away from her. "NO!" Jean yelled, feeing a tear slide down her cheek but didn't care for it. "You can't keep ignoring me! You can't keep avoiding me and torturing me that way!" She pulled at his arm and stopped him from walking out of the cottage, but he didn't turn around to look at her. Jean started to notice that he was panting, tenser than ever and on the edge of insanity, but she wanted to push him over, to get any reaction out of him, anything…

"You wanted to hurt me back?" Jean asked him. "Well you've done a pretty good job because I can't take this fucking silence anymore!" She cried and went around him on purpose so that he would follow her movements with his gaze as she opened a drawer and grabbed another bottle of pills. She turned back around and tried to ignore the murderous look he gave her as she waved the bottle in front of him.

"This... medication is the only thing that has kept me from a mental break down all this time!" She angrily threw the bottle back in the drawer and he could clearly hear that there was more than one bottle in there. She pushed the drawer shut with her mind and tried to calm herself, panting heavily, and pacing around, running her hands over her long, messy hair.

Logan gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, trying not to look at her anymore, the desperation in hi, starting to take over when she suddenly started to beg. "Logan, please! Talk to me!" He opened his eyes and looked back at her tear stained face. "Anything! Tell me anything!" He was clenching his fist now. "Tell me how much you hate me!"

"No Jean!" Logan slammed his fist against the wall so hard Jean swore she felt the room shake. She stopped her pacing immediately and stood perfectly still, almost holding her breath, fear evident in her eyes. He looked back at her and moved closer to her with so many emotions in his eyes, that Jean was compelled to step away, scared. "I don't fucking hate you! I don't wanna hurt you back and I don't wanna see you suffer!" His voice dropped down to a low growl, almost threatening as he moved closer to her and she was soon pressed against the wall.

"I wish desperately that I did hate you, 'cause it would make all this fucked up mess so much easier to handle." He said and Jean started to pant when he placed his arms against the wall, trapping her completely. "But I love you too fucking much." He moved his face closer to hers, wanting to kiss her so much but controlled himself.

Jean tried to say something, but he cut her off by pressing his finger against her lips. "Shut up." He whispered. "You wanted me to talk, I'm talking." Jean fell silent, pressing her lips into a tight line.

Logan paused for a second, his face still inches away from hers and he could see her eyes were dazed, and her breathing had picked up speed again. "I thought the worst thing that could have ever happened to me was loosing my memory, my past… But I was wrong." He spoke in a low tone again, his breath hot against her lips. "You're the worst thing that's ever happened to me." He gritted his teeth again, his look threatening and she was shaking slightly now, feeling somewhere between fear and passion. "But you're also the best thing that's ever happened to me…" He pressed his lips against hers for a brief second and Jean shuddered, her eyes closing as she tried to kiss him but he pulled away just enough to make her open her eyes again and stare at him confused and lightheaded. "I don't know what I'm gonna do with you anymore." He whispered.

Jean bit her lip, trying to compose herself, clearing her throat. "Neither do I." She said softly, her eyes on his as she slowly brought her hand to his face and stroked his jaw, missing the feeling of him terribly. "I've said I'm sorry and I meant it, I bring you here by breaking my family's trust so you could know more about me… and I've honestly run out of ideas." Logan set his jaw tight again and pulled away from her, leaving her to stand on shaky legs. "What do you want from me?" Jean asked in a broken voice, feeling very cold now that he pulled away.

"I want you to leave Scott." He answered her at once, his eyes set on hers, not wanting her to look away.

"What? Jean asked confused and clearly shocked. She was still leaning against the wall, while he was only a couple of feet away from her. "What do you mean?"

"I want you to tell him about us." He told her, clenching his fists again. trying t read the look on her face.

"But Logan, that doesn't make any sense." Jean said, passing a hand through her hair. "You know I don't really love him."

Logan scoffed. "Then it makes perfect sense, you would have no problem dumping him then."

"But I need him." Jean tried to sound rational, her voice trembling when Logan glared at her gain. "He's my source, I need him for information."

"Fuck that!" He yelled and Jean jumped. "Do you have any idea how much it kills me to see you with him?" He once aging moved closer to her. "Do you know how much I want to rip his guts out when I see him kiss you? Especially after I did?" jean hissed when he gripped her forearms with a maddening force. "Do you know how crazy it makes me when I touch you but I can smell him on you?"

"Logan, you're hurting me." Jean complained, trying to move away, and he let go of her roughly.

"I can't fucking take it anymore." He tells her and moves away from her, watching as she sat down on the bed, stroking her arms.

"Logan…" Jean started and trailed off, looking down at the ground. "Scott's my only solid source of information." She simply said.

They are silent for a very long time, until Logan says. "What's more important to you? Us or your… job?" He spat angrily, and could only stare at her in disbelieve as she stood up and walked out of the cottage, the wind blowing the candle off, leaving him in pure darkness.

**Soon you will know more about Jean's past and the killer, and I swear to god you will be soooo shocked. Chapt11 already on the works, so please be patient and review lots and lots!!!!! **


	11. Erratic Feelings

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* * *

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OK, so here is chapter 11! I really hope you like it! Thanks for all the reviews!!! They really inspire me!

_Erratic Feelings_

Jean walked quickly away from the camp, wanting to be as far away as possible, knowing exactly where she was going, towards a peaceful place she always went to every since they moved into these woods, her thoughts racing in her head, and she felt as if everything was getting worse by the second…

_Sometimes it feels like its all going down, like there is no way out, like there's no other option but to surrender, to give it all up and beg for mercy. I would just love to be able to avoid those moments more than I do. _

She finally came to a stop, her eyes settling on the beautiful waterfall before her, sparkling in the sun, falling gracefully, roaring in her ears loudly but she didn't mind. Slowly, she leaned against her tree and sat down with her legs against her chest, her eyes still on the gift from nature before her, and then she started to think again…

_I whish I could be as strong as I appear to be, as I want everyone to believe, but you see right through every shield I put up, you see right through my eyes and into my soul. You know I'm strong on the surface, but not all the way through, and it seams that when you wrap your arms around me, every time you simply hug me, simply kiss me, everything goes away, and I don't have to be scared and confused anymore, and I don't have to be as miserable as I tend to be._

Thinking of him made her want to cry again, scream frustrated but she bit her lip hard, not wanting to give in…

_I know it breaks you inside when I try to lie about it all, when I try to hide and run and leave everyone else to clean up my mess. _

_I never know what's wrong and what's right, because I never stop to think about what I do, and I end up hurting everyone around. _

_You give me so much, but I'm giving nothing but pain in return, and I don't know how to change. I have been in this darkness for so long, that I don't know anything anymore. _

She wished she could stand before him and tell him these words, but even if she found the courage to, what's to say he would believe her? After everything she's done…

Jean sighed and closed her eyes, and soon she fell asleep.

* * *

Emma wrapped her arms around herself as she leant against the wall of her cottage, knowing that Jason was still resting inside, but she wasn't tired anymore, she was wide awake and her mind was deep in thoughts about a certain redhead that seamed to be aiming for Emma's nervous break down… _every since she was six-years-old_ The blond thought and couldn't help but remember the first time she ever met Jean… All those years ago, but she remembered it as if it was yesterday.

_An eight-year-old Emma Grace Frost stepped down from the top bed on the bunk bed she shared with Jason, whom she noticed was still sleeping like a baby in his bed under hers. _

_She decided not to wake him, since she was up earlier than usual. She moved over to Erik's room down the hall of the small apartment in Chicago, when she heard the front door open. _

_Frowning, she rubbed her sleepy eyes and moved over to the living room bare foot, wearing soft pink pajama's while her long blond hair swayed past her hips placidly, and she stopped after seeing Erik come in from outside with something in his arms covered by his leather jacket. _

_He didn't seam to notice Emma standing at the other end of the living room; he only closed the door behind him and gradually put what he had in his arms down on the sofa. _

_Emma's eyes widened when she saw it was a little child. "Who is that?" She asked in her deep British accent, which for some reason, didn't change one bit even after living in the States for nearly a year. _

_Emma kept her distance from the strange redhead who stared at space with cold green eyes. _

_Erik turned to see Emma standing there and tried to hide the extreme worry and anxiety he felt. "Emma, what are you doing up?" _

_Emma shrugged. "Couldn't sleep anymore." Emma kept her eyes on the positively pale girl seating on their sofa with Erik's heavy jacket around her slender form, thin and spent, so thin that she could almost see her bones, and her eyes still looked at nothing, just stared and didn't respond to anything around her, almost in a catatonic state. _

"_Who is that?" Emma asked again, now taking one step closer to them. Erik motioned her to come closer. _

"_This is Jean, a new friend." He told her as he lay Jean down on the sofa and turned the heater on, wrapping a few blankets around the girl, trying to get her shivers to stop, noticing that her lips were almost blue. _

"_What's wrong with her?" Emma asked as she waved her hand in front of Jean's face, but this one was completely none-responsive. _

_Erik tried to find the right words to explain the situation, still hoping that Jean's body temperature would return soon. "She's scared, her mind's somewhere else right now, but she'll be ok." _

_Emma still couldn't understand why the little redhead was still staring at the ceiling or why she was here with them now. "Emma." She turned when Erik called her. "Can you watch her while I make her something to eat?" _

_Emma nodded quickly and Erik disappeared into the kitchen, then she sat besides Jean, waiting to see it the redhead's green orbs ever moved, or closed because it seamed as if she was dead, except for the faint sound of her breathing. _

"_Jean?" Emma said her name softly, not getting any reaction. A thought crossed the blonds' mind, and thou she knew it was dangerous, she was tempted to try it. _

_She checked to see if Erik was still busy before she straightened up and prepared. She took in a deep breath and found control, manipulating her powers as best as she could, her icy blue eyes burning into Jean's green jade ones. _

_Emma slowly reached out with her mind, trying to read her, but was met by countless shields of fire. Confused, she kept her eyes on Jean's un-reacting ones. _

_She pushed the barriers but all of a sudden Jean's green eyes turned into pitch black and Emma heard a scream in her head, like a bird crying out and she grabbed her head in pain as fire tore through her brain. She tried to pull out of Jean's head, but the creature inside had trapped her, torturing her, the Phoenix furious at her for trying to break in. _

_Emma whimpered when the pain became unbearable but she couldn't call out for help, she was paralyzed and couldn't escape. _Stop!_ She cried with her mind, feeling the pain spread to her lower body and she was almost unable to breathe. _

_Abruptly, Jean's darkened eyes snapped to Emma's crystal ones, reflecting a roaring fire that scared Emma beyond believe. But then it all stopped as soon as it came, Jean's eyes turning green again and the redhead blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of everything at the moment and she released Emma. This one moaned in pain and fainted to the ground. _

_Jean sat up and looked down at her, breathing heavily, not knowing what to do, and could only see how blood trickled down the unconscious's blonde's nose. _

Emma shivered as she remembered what it felt like to be Phoenix's prey… She decided not to think about that and started to move over to the cottage where they hid the weapons and electronic equipment, wanting to check something in the computer.

As she passed Jean's cottage, she remembered how only half an hour ago, she noticed Jean walk out of the place and storm towards the woods, probably leaving Logan alone inside.

Emma stopped for a second, her eyes on the hut and had an idea. She knew Jean wouldn't like it, but her feet were already moving towards the hut.

She pushed the curtain aside and pocked her head inside. "Logan?" She called out, making her way inside, her eyes searching the small space until she found him seating on a chair in a corner.

Logan eyed her, seeing how different she looked from the last time he saw her, almost three years ago, wearing her all-white uniform that exposed her back and legs, upper arms and cleavage, while her hair was shorter, a woman that was determined to finish the mission she was sent on, and she would have it he hadn't been the one sent against her. As far as he could tell from that time, she was a trained killer and would have sliced right through any other X-man, but she was no match for him. She was good though, but no one was match enough for him.

But now, looking at her, wearing sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt- obviously not hers, while she was bare foot, her hair all in tangles and falling over her shoulders, long and clear, and he could tell she had just gotten out of bed… She looked nothing like the murderess Charles made her to be… back then Logan would not have thought twice about who she was, but now she looked like any other person. Maybe Jean was right… Xavier had been lying to him all this time.

Emma cleared her throat, snapping him out of his thoughts.

When he finally met her gaze, Emma stepped closer, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Hello." She said.

"Hi." He grunted out, not knowing what she was doing here, or what she wanted from him. When she didn't say anything, he spoke. "We've met, three years ago, in a mission in South Dakota."

Emma scoffed. "I remember." She rolled up her right sleeve and showed him her lower arm, where three long, thick scars marked her skin right under her elbow. "How could I forget?"

Logan clenched his jaw, remembering how they fought, she with her mind tricks and he couldn't get to her, always missing her by one beat and his claws scratched her arm, deep enough to make her bleed. He also remembered very well.

"But I didn't come here to talk about that." She rolled her sleeve back down, crossing her arms again. "I came to talk about Jean."

Logan sighed, clearly annoyed by Emma. "What's it to ya'?" He growled.

Emma shook her head in disgust at his arrogance. "For your information, I've been in Jean's life longer than you. She's like my sister, I know her better than anyone." She was getting angry, her fists almost tightening. "You don't know half about her, about all she's been through-"

Logan cut her, keeping his voice low, not about to loose his temper. "I do know."

Emma scoffed. "Really?"

"If you mean about her sister and her parents and her nephews," He listed while he glared at her, seeing the clear surprise in Emma's face at finding he actually did know. "then yeah, I do know."

"Oh." Was all Emma could utter out. "Well…"

"Listen," Logan stood up so he was at eye level with the blond, although he was a bit taller than her. "I don't what you were planning on saying to me and I don't care." He spat, making Emma angry again. "This is between Jean and me, so stay out of it."

"I won't." Emma said firmly, making Logan sigh annoyed. "Because I love her, because I wanna protect her from any more pain, and I wanna help her."

Logan was clearly taken aback by her answer. He was about to say something but Emma interrupted him.

"I didn't come here to tell you to stay away from her or anything like that." She explained, having a bit more of Logan's attention. "I came here to try and make you see the truth."

"And what would that be?" Logan decided to play along, leaning against the wall now.

Emma took a breath, passing a hand through her hair. "I hate to admit this but…" She trailed off, trying to find the right words, but decided to tell him the whole story. "Jean was only 6 when I first met her." Emma started. "She was in shock, she was almost catatonic, she was always in and out of comas, and this went on for almost a year," Logan looked away from the woman in front of him, his eyes steeling on other objects as he listened intently.

"But she got better," Emma said softly. "She became less afraid of coming out of the house, she started talking again when she was 8, and she was almost a normal kid by the time she was 10." Emma told him, now seating down on a chair there. "But what was most frustrating for us was that she never smiled, not ever." She wrapped her arms around herself again. "She would say she was ok, that she liked something or that she thought something was funny, but she would neither smile nor laugh.

That changed when she met Sarah. She was 15, and she finally started smiling." Emma smiled sadly at the thought. "She was so happy, she was different, as if she had found a part of herself she had lost that night when she was 6…" She trailed off again, noticing how Logan shifted in his spot. "But then it all happened again," She felt tears come to her eyes and Logan cleared his throat, smelling them and feeling very uncomfortable.

"When Sarah and her family were killed, of course Jean blamed herself, and although this time she didn't go into shock, she stopped talking again, she blocked everyone out." Emma stopped her tears from falling and went on. "Then she offered to be our spy in the X-men, saying that it would get her closer to Xavier, and she wanted revenge.

"We let her, but we realized too late that she never planned on coming back. She just wanted to be left in the cold world, she wanted to live a lie, because she was afraid that she would ever feel anything real again, and get those around her killed…again." Emma paused, doubting she should continue, glancing over at Logan, who still leaned against the wall, looking at the ground, but somehow she could tell he was listening. She couldn't stop now.

"She hardly ever came to visit, she said it was because it might blow her cover, but we knew she just wanted to stay away." Emma soon realized that she didn't know how to go on, especially now that Logan moved and sat in front of her, waiting.

"Her eyes." Emma suddenly blurted out, making Logan frown. "Jean eyes always betray her poker face." Emma told him. "They were very light colored when she was 6, they were warmer when she was like 12, they were deep when she was with Sara, and every since she started faking in the mansion, every time I saw her, they were just a little bit colder, just a little bit worse…" Emma explained. "And that's how I knew she was changing, when her eye color started to return, and I thought that she was finally accepting everything and that she was getting over Sarah, because every time I saw her, her eyes were warmer…"

Emma suddenly smirked at him. "It wasn't until a couple months ago that she told me about you, and I realized you were the reason."

Logan looked away when she said this, her final conclusion, or that's what he thought, but she kept talking. "I haven't seen Jean smile in more than 15 years." She whispered out the last words. "You make her happy."

Logan stood up and moved away from her, thinking that all this time, she was just trying to trick him. "If you think you're gonna talk me into-"

Emma cut in. "Her eyes are getting cold again, Logan." She almost yelled frustrated. "And it kills me to know that I can't do anything about it."

Logan gulped when he saw tears in her eyes again, and her scent… she wasn't lying, she was devastated, feeling helpless.

"But you can." Emma whispered. "And if you doubt her love for you, first think about what I told you, and second ask yourself, why would she lie now, what has she to gain?"

* * *

Six-year-old Jean Grey screamed hysterically when the owner of the boots pulled her out by her hair, and she let go of her bear, struggling wildly with no vain, crying loudly and screaming. She had her eyes clenched shut, but tears still slid out of them as the man let go of her hair and wrapped his hands around her little throat.

Jean's green eyes snapped open when her airway was cut completely, her face one of pure terror as her eyes met the pitch black ones of her attacker.

She was chocking and her short nails were digging into the hands of her attacker, and tried to kick him but it had no effect on him, and now she was fighting desperately for air, when all of a sudden her eyes flashed pitch black as well and the man went flying through the room, hitting the wall hard, but he was back on his feet before Jean could even realize what had happened.

She coughed and tried to get up and run when the man growled like a savage beast and launched at her again, this time taking long a knife out of nowhere, pointing it at her and was about to move in for the final kill. But wait… It was more than just one knife…

Jean couldn't move, she was suddenly paralyzed, staring at the beast-like-man lash at her, but he was once again thrown against the wall by an invisible force. She felt so far away, as if she was watching a movie, everything playing out in front of her and she simply couldn't move, her body moving by itself as Phoenix fought for her life.

Out of the blue, flames rose and burned Jean's skin and soon the fire caught on the carpets, the curtains, the ground…. And no traces were left…

Jean woke up and opened her eyes, her heart beating hard against her ribs, cold sweat sticking to her skin. A few seconds later she realized she was seating against a tree facing the waterfall, and that she had been dreaming again.

She always suspected it might have been her who started the fire, with her powers, but now it was clearer than ever.

She shivered and looked up, seeing the sun up high and realized it must be over noon. "Shit." She had slept at least three hours. She stood up quickly and walked back to the camp. They had to get back now; otherwise they'll get there too late.

* * *

Logan and Emma kept talking for a while, when Logan caught Jean's scent. Emma stood up, not really wanting Jean to know she talked to Logan, but before she left, Logan stopped her. "I'm sorry." He apologized but Emma frowned.

"For what?"

Logan pointed at her arm, where the scars were hidden by the sleeve. She smiled softly. "It's all right." She said. "It was another lifetime ago." They were not strangers on different sides of the war any longer, it was in the past.

Soon after she left, Jean was coming in. "We gotta go." She said and grabbed her bag, and he simply grabbed his jacket, noticing how she was avoiding his eyes and he felt his heart sink.

Not long after, they were moving in the woods towards the jeep. On their way, Logan started thinking about what Emma said 'Another lifetime ago'. Maybe she was right. Jean might not be the woman he thought, a bored woman in a loveless marriage and needed something more, but was afraid about what society thought about her. But no, she was much more, and he loved her nonetheless.

As he followed her through the green environment, he let his mind wonder to how they might be able to fix this, but then his mind went back to her lies, the way she kept it all from him, and was using him to get out without suspicious… He sighed, realizing how confused he was. He wished he could stop loving her… it would make all this so much easier.

Suddenly Jean tripped on something and with a yell, fell to the ground in front of him, and as soon as she hit the ground, she cried out in pain. Logan immediately kneeled on front of her. "Jean!"

Jean had her eyes clenched shut and he soon found the source of her pain. She had hit her shoulder against a rock, and it was bleeding again. "Fuck!" Jean groaned, her face a mask of pain as she panted, clenching her teeth and holding her shoulder.

Logan didn't know what to do, she was holding back a sob, the pain agonizing her. "Dam it!" She cried out, still cursing under her breath as her shoulder bled.

Logan slowly helped her seat up against a tree, and she still had her eyes clenched shut. He could smell her salty tears and tried to sooth her. He placed his hand on hers on her shoulder, slowly making her let go, and he pulled the sleeve down, exposing the wound.

"I need to clean it again." Jean said in a low voice, her voice still shaking from the pain.

"Do you have a bandage?" Logan asked her and she pointed to her bag. He got a clean white bandage and some tissues, because it was all they had, and cleaned the blood, watching as she tried to ignore the pain. When he was finally done, Jean still had her head turned away from him, and he still knelt in front of her.

As he watched the now covered wound and the blood around it and on his hands, he remembered when he saw Kitty stab her, because Jean was chocking her. Before he knew it, he was asking the question that had haunted him for a while now. "Would you have killed Kitty for real?"

The question caught her off guard, especially since he hadn't said much to her since their talk, but she didn't dare ask twice, she knew exactly what he was talking about. She had been expecting the question for a while now.

Sighing, she decided it was time he knew a little bit more about the 'precious' X-men. "When Kitty was 16, she was hiding her mutation from everyone around, but one day, her classmate saw her using her powers." Jean began, making Logan frown. He heard more than enough stories today, but let her continue. "Afraid that he would rat her out, Katherine killed him."

Logan's head snapped up in shock when she said this. She was still looking away from him, watching the trees and bushes around, her shoulder still aching but not as bad as before. "Soon after, she was on the run." Jean went on. "When she was 18, she came across a group of mutants that were trained killers. She became one of them." Logan couldn't believe what he was hearing. "The victims were mostly politicians against mutants, and sometimes there would be one or two mutants in the target list, because these mutants were trying to make peace with humans.

"When she was 19, one of her targets was Xavier, but of course she didn't succeed. And since Charles was looking for mutants with killing instincts like her, Ororo, Scott…" Jean listed, making Logan more and more confused. "He offered to erase her record if she came to work for him."

Jean turned and met Logan's shocked eyes, and said "So no, I would not have hesitated on killing her, the same way she would not have hesitated on killing me." Jean told him. "And trust me… It doesn't matter that I was wearing a mask."

Logan was still staring at her surprised, thinking she was lying, but her scent told him otherwise. But how could that be? "But… are saying that the X-men are killers? I mean… I'm not a murderer."

Jean smiled sadly. "I know, that's why every time I get the chance I sneak into your mind and reinforce the shields Charles is trying to break," Logan's confused expression changed into anger. "Because he's trying to release the beast inside."

"What?!" He almost yelled his mind racing.

"It's the same thing he's been trying to do to me since I got to the mansion 15 years ago, trying to break the Phoenix out while pretending to be helping me keep her in line." Logan saw the tears in her eyes and became even angrier, but not towards her any longer.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked her through clenched teeth.

Jean shook her head. "If I told you it meant blowing my cover." She whispered, feeling disgusted at herself. "I'm sorry."

Logan stood up angrily, pacing a hand through his hair, the beast raging inside of him. He growled in anger and extended his claws, slicing through a tree nearby, making Jean jump.

Jean looked away from him and stood up slowly, wincing at her shoulder. "We better go."

Logan drove, because Jean couldn't move her shoulder. They were quite for a long time, until he asked the next question she was expecting. What did Rogue do?

Jean answered briefly, said that she killed her father when she was 17 but it was self-defense, and she didn't even mean it, her powers simply sucked the life out of him, and Charles wanted her in the team because her powers were unique, and thought she was no murderess, her powers made her a killer.

Jean saw he was clearly relieved to hear Marie, the girl he cared about like a little sister was at least still the Marie he knew.

* * *

The moment they pulled into the garage, Logan got out of the car and grabbed his motorcycle, straddling it and ready to leave, but not before Jean said to him "No one is who they appear to be in this place, Logan." And he took off, wanting to get as far away from all this as possible.

Jean watched as he drove away and hoped he planned on coming back. Taking a breath, she covered her shoulder as best as she could with her jacket, and winced at the pain, going up the stairs.

Even if she tried to run, the ghosts always followed her, trapping her and keeping her in. She didn't use to mind it was much as she does now, because back then, she liked being hidden away from the world, she felt protected and safe from emotions she never wanted to know about again. But once she had a taste of it… it was too hard to stay in anymore.

She's felt and she wants to keep feeling but she's so afraid. Part of her just wants to forget anything ever happened and go back inside the walls she put around her heart and keep everyone out; the other part of her wants to break out and simply _feel_.

The first part was winning the fight. She wanted to stay hidden, because it was safer. She don't want to feel anymore pain, she wanna stay away. She didn't know if she could allow herself to fall into happiness again, when she knew it always ended badly. She can't live in the present and ignore the future; she wasn't strong enough to risk it all. She's not strong enough; she's not as strong as she liked everyone to believe she was. She was so weak, and it was so easy to fall into temptation.

She was quite lucky that everyone was in class, so she moved quickly through the halls that echoed with the sounds coming from the classrooms, and soon came to the door to her and Scott's room.

She went straight to the bathroom, opening the bathroom cabinet and taking a bottle of painkillers out, swallowing two and leaning against the wall, waiting for them to take effect and for her throbbing shoulder to go numb.

Little by little, the pain went away and she sighed, still leaning against the wall, a tear sliding down her cheek, but she brushed it away quickly, not wanting to break down.

What he had asked of her… Why was it so hard for her to do? She was just afraid. If she did it, if she left Scott, she would loose. She frowned at herself, closing her eyes. She didn't want Logan to win this fight. If he won, then she would not be able to go back to her cold world, where she felt safe. She was almost at his mercy now, doing everything for him, and that meant she was breaking.

She licked her dry lips and quickly cleaned up, ignoring her inner turmoil, too confused already. Changing the bandage on her shoulder once again after properly cleaning it, she was noticing that thankfully, it was healing quickly, but she had to be more careful, because if she kept making it bleed, she'll get a bigger scar... if it ever managed to finish mending.

When she stepped back into the bed-room, she was quick to notice Scott's laptop was open on the desk.

Checking the clock hanging from the wall, she was grateful to see she still had some time until the bell rang and he came back from class.

She quickly went over to the desk and moved the mouse, seeing the blank screen come to life, the clean white Mac Computer showing her Scott's previous activities.

She saw it was Hotmail open, but as she read past the e-mails, her eyes soon darted to the top of the page and realized it was her e-mail page. "Son of a bitch." She cursed under her breath. He was in her page. How the Hell did he know her password?

At least he was only looking at the email address she used as an X-woman; he wasn't in the one she used with the Brotherhood.

She then searched his email, but couldn't find much, then went to his recent Documents, frowning when she found some files about the weapon they had lost, the one the Brotherhood successfully stole.

She read as quickly as she could, but there were many pages and some pictures that looked like a blueprint. She was startled when the sound of the bell broke through the silent halls, and knowing that she had little time left, she connected the laptop to the printer and printed out all six pages, hastily glancing from the pages coming out to the door.

When it was finally done, she closed everything and the moment she put the papers in her bag, Scott walked through the door, stopping short at the sight of her.

Jean tensed even more it that was possible, seeing first the surprise-shocked expression on his face followed by confusion before a hint of anger. He closed the door behind him and put his teaching books down, still staring at her.

She only stood there, hands buried in the back pockets of her jeans, a simple look on her face, a little too casual for his liking. He was expecting an apology, an explanation. Jean soon realized this when she brushed his mind and she became angry, tired of having to explain herself to everyone; Logan, Emma, Scott… Why couldn't everyone just leave her alone?

I was Logan's fault, he had pulled her out of the world she was used to, cold

She grits her teeth, still waiting for him to say something. She didn't have to wait long as he placed his hands on his hips and stood his ground. "You're back." He stated, not making any other move.

Jean sighed. "Yeah, I just needed some space."

Scott chuckled and Jean frowned, not finding anything amusing about all this. "You were smoking." He blurted out, still incredulous about the fact. "Then you took off without a second thought and everyone had to turn time around so that we could cover the classes you teach, or were supposed to teach today."

Jean stiffened, looking down, not disturbed by his comment at all, but if she wanted things to go back to normal around here, she had to start going back to who she used to be: a good wife and a kind, talented doctor. "I'm sorry." She said softly, "I just lost my mind."

Scott grew very serious again, stalking over to her and Jean acted ashamed for what she'd done, but when she looked up, he was already standing right in front of her, and by the menacing look on his face, she thought he was going to hit her.

"What's the matter with you, Jean?" He asked her, still standing in front of her, his angry eyes hidden behind his red glasses. "What the Hell are you thinking!?"

"I wasn't." Jean retorted quickly, and was surprised that she hadn't even thought about it, her mouth automatically said the words, her mind programmed to answer accordingly.

Scott frowned when Jean's eyes drifted, as if she had gone deep in thought.

Jean realized that her entire life had followed in a programmed pace, but with Logan, everything was always so unexpected. She was just sinking deeper and deeper in her lies, and if she had felt like she was drowning before, this didn't compare at all.

Her eyes filled with tears at the thought of Logan, and how much he hated her but loved her all the same. He only asked for one thing from her to proof herself, but she was deceiving him again, ready to ignore and forget everything and simply go back to how everything was.

_What the Hell are you thinking? _The question that Scott asked her just a couple of second ago was repeated by the Phoenix inside of her. If Logan lost this fight, what would she gain? Just more pain and coldness. She would loose as well, her victory would mean nothing.

Before she even realized it, her mouth was moving. "Scott, we need to talk…

**I know that was a long chapter, and that's how the next ones will be as well… if you don't mind. I'm looking forward to your reviews! Chapter 12 is already on the making. Review lots and lots please! **

**PS: If you are interested, I have a new story called 'The Long, Twilight Struggle' and it will eventually be a Jean/Logan story, so if you want you can check it out. It's quite different from my other works, but it has a lot of action. Thanks! **


	12. Show me your world

**I am so sorry the chap took so long, but I hope after you read it you'll understand. I got some awesome reviews! Thank you so much everybody! R&R!!**

_Show me your world_

He tried to run, tried to get as far away as possible, but he knew it was no use. He had tried it before, saying he was gonna go look for his past, but in truth, he was just trying to get her off his mind. He stayed away for as long as he could that time, but then he was running back, unable to stay away for another second without going completely insane.

Her scent, her voice, her laugh, her smile, her green eyes, crimson red hair like no other, her warm skin rosy when she was aroused, the way she moved, her build, long silky legs that wrapped around his hips, sexy flat stomach, full breasts that pressed against him or fit perfectly in his open palms, the way she moaned when he buried himself deep inside of her, her gasps of pleasure as she moved her hips against his, her whimpering pleas when he teased her, her nails dragging across his back, her muscles clenching around him and her throaty cries as she came… everything about her had just burned into his mind, every single detail, down to the sound of her breathing as she slept.

A part of him just wanted to loose his memory again, so she would leave him alone, so he could stop suffering. Maybe next time he would be smarter about women. But was he really to blame? It wasn't like a switch in his head he could just turn on and off, she just hit him full-front and he feel head-over heels for her, he never had a chance.

The first time he saw her, when he woke up in the med-bed as she tried to inject him, his first reaction was to finish whoever was trying to turn him into a lab-rat again. He had his arms wrapped around her throat, just ready to break her neck, when he took a deep breath... it was his undoing. He had never felt anything like that before, the desire that drowned him completely in a matter of seconds as he took in her scent, it got him as hard as a rock right there and then, the heat between his legs all of a sudden rising and becoming unbearable. He just wanted to push her against the floor and take her, and he was just about to do it, but the scent of her fear caught up with him and he panted, letting go of her and running from her before he did something he would later regret.

When he later found out she wasn't single, the fact never stopped him from trying. It soon turned into a game between them, teasing and flirting back and forth. He loved to piss off her Boyscout, and sometimes he caught a glimpse in her eyes that told him she enjoyed Scott's reaction as well.

It was only lust, and he could take that, 'cause he was convinced sooner or later he would have her, because that's all he wanted, a good hard fuck with her, didn't matter how or where, against the wall or her on all fours, making her beg and scream and want for more; but she was smart, she wouldn't budge and his desperation for her soon turned into obsession, until one time just wasn't gonna be enough anymore. He wanted her all for himself, mark her and make her his so no other man could touch her.

He never really knew when was it that he started looking out for her in assignments, always checking if she was all right, staying close by, asking her if she needed anything when they were alone in the rec-room or the kitchen, talking with her for hours about everything and anything, and when was it that he became terribly afraid for her life when he couldn't go with her on a mission? When was it that he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when she came back safely? When did it start to break him inside to see her cry, especially if it was because of Scott? When was it that he couldn't take it anymore and pulled her into his arms, soothing her cries and promising her to be there for her? When was it that he started hiding his desires for her because she was willing to trust him and confide in him as a friend? When was it started to choke him inside when she was sick and he could do nothing for her, even if it was just a cold? When did it kill him inside to see her in pain? When did he vow to slaughter anyone who dare hurt her, when did he realize he would do anything for her?

He remembered a mission they had, where they found each other trapped and didn't know how to get out of there. He wasn't the least bit scared for himself, he was terrified for her. The place was cold and she was shivering and he had pulled her into his arms, promising to protect her and he did, he got her out of there. That day he looked at himself in the mirror and said it out loud, that day he stopped denying it. He loved her.

Now, speeding away in his bike, he knew it was useless to run. No matter what she did, he loved her. Logan sighed and turned the bike around.

* * *

It was almost 3am, the entire mansion was silent, all lights out except the one in the kitchen. Jean had come up from her office where she decided to work the rest of the night, still shaken up by the events in the afternoon. Seeing that she had no coffee left, she went upstairs, starting the coffee maker, leaning against the counter, deep in thought.

She was startled out of her thoughts when the backdoor open and Logan came in, still wearing his leather jacket and had the keys to his bike in his hand.

She straightened up when she saw him, feeling her heart start to race. Logan stopped only for a second when he saw her, since he had smelled her from afar. He walked inside and closed the door, avoiding her gaze.

"Hi." Jean said softly, and he greeted her the same as he walked past her and swung the fridge door open, getting a beer out, opening it and gulping almost half the bottle down in one swing.

She looked at him, at his distant eyes that refused to meet hers, at his messy black hair… She had to force her eyes away and was saved by the coffee maker beeping, signaling her beverage was ready.

She took the steaming mug and wrapped her hands around it, taking a small sip, feeling it too hot. Logan was still standing close, watching her now, and the moment she looked back at him, he looked away, clearing his throat.

"How's your shoulder?" He made small talk, wanting to break the tension a little bit.

Jean sighed. "Better, I took some pain killers."

Logan looked up at her when she said this, a reluctant look on his face.

Jean felt tears come to her eyes. She knew exactly what he was thinking without reading him. He must see her as a junkie or something now. "Don't look at me like that, Logan." She said angrily, her hands tightening around the mug. "Please." She whispered when he didn't budge.

Letting out a breath, he looked away from her, taking another drink.

"I told Scott about us." Jean's sudden words made him look back at her, surprised. She was looking at her coffee now, avoiding his gaze now.

A rush of emotions waved upon him as he watched her, not believing his ears. Had she really? "Why?" He asked instead, putting his beer bottle down on the table.

Jean scoffed. "You asked me to." She said, still looking into her mug. "So I did it."

Logan was skeptical. She really did it, she really did it… He couldn't believe it. She chose him. "Really?" He couldn't help but ask, taking one step closer to her, not being able to wipe the smile from his face.

Jean felt her chest tighten, realizing more and more that she had lost, and her stubbornness wasn't far from taking over soon. "You won." She whispered, biting her tongue lightly. "I lost my only source; I'm no use here anymore."

From the corner of her eye, Jean saw Logan's smile fade when she said this. She scolded herself. Why the hell was she making this so damn difficult? She just didn't want to go down so easily, she hated loosing, and it infuriated her to know that he had her tamed. She would do anything for him, but she never took giving up well.

Logan grew angry at her comment, and snapped. "Then do whatever the fuck you want!" He yelled and she jumped, putting her mug down on the counter, but he continued, enjoying her reaction, wanting her to feel a taste of what he was feeling right now, all the despair and frustration. "Go back to him, manipulate him and use him like you did me and be the bitch you like to be!"

Jean felt her eyes well up with tears again, hurt at his words, not believing he said that to her.

He glared at her, ignoring the salty smell of her tears. She had ticked him off. "I don't care what you do anymore." He hissed through gritted teeth, letting his anger talk.

Taking a quick swing, she slapped him.

Logan stood still, his face still sideways from her slap, the slight burning pain quickly hidden by his healing factor, his mind still trying to process what had happened when he realized the smell of her tears had increased, and when he looked back at her, he saw they had streamed down her rosy cheeks.

"Jean, I-" He tried to say something but she shook her head, her face a mask of agony.

"Don't." She said shortly, pushing past him and out of the kitchen, walking away, a sob escaping her lips.

It took Logan only a second before he came back to his scenes and followed her. "Wait!" He called out after her, but she just moved faster up the stairs and into the hall. "Jean, I'm sorry!"

Jean suddenly turned around, her face stained with tears. "Sorry? What in the world do you need to apologize to me for!?" She yelled loudly, confusing Logan further.

When she yelled again, he tried to tell her to be quiet; they were in a house full of sleeping people.

"I don't care if the whole fucking place wakes up!" She was really loosing her mind now, she couldn't think straight and only let Logan drag her down the hall and into his room, telling her to shut up.

"What the hell are you thinking?!" He asked her rather angrily, seeing as she pressed herself against the wall, still crying.

How many people had asked her that today? "I don't know." She whispered truthfully, feeling lost and scared, helpless and she hated it. "I feel so alone." She sobbed like a little child and it broke Logan to see her like this. "I'm so confused."

If she was confused, then he must be a mess. This was getting out of control, and he couldn't stand to see her like this. He didn't know what to do, so he pulled her into his arms, felling her cling to him like a drowning woman, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face in his neck. "I'm here." He whispered in her ear and she shivered, letting her tears fall.

He didn't know for how long they stood there, simply holding each other, Jean's arms around his neck and his around her waist. Her sobs had stopped, but her hold on him hadn't loosened one bit, afraid to loose him again.

His arms tightened around her and he inhaled deeply, taking in her sweet scent. God, she smelled heavenly and her skin was so soft that his hands ached to feel more of her. He soon felt his lower body start to respond to the feeling of her body pressed against his.

He felt as she shifted and lifted her head to look into his eyes, and he wondered if she had heard his thoughts. She was giving him an intense look and her eyes flashed to his lips and back again but she didn't move to kiss him like he desperately wanted her to.

He swallowed hard and his hand moved up to cup the side of her face, lovingly stroking her cheek and tracing her jaw with his fingertips and then the side of her lips, making a shiver run down her spine. When he leaned in slowly she lunged forward hungrily, sealing their lips vigorously.

She knocked all air out of his lungs and he gasped sharply, her lips moving against his roughly and he kissed her back with the same ardor, backing her against the wall.

Jean expected the bump of her back against the wall and wasn't surprised when he pushed harder against her, trapping her between his body and the cold surface. She didn't mind it, she enjoyed it.

Logan pulled away from her lips for breath and took a moment to look into her eyes. Jean's eyes were full of lust and before he could say anything, she crushed her lips to his. She was impatient, the last few weeks without his touch and warmth had been pure torture and she was wasting no time now.

She was all over him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing their lips together harder, thrusting her tongue into his mouth and fighting with his, then biting his bottom lip, making him growl deep in his throat.

He pulled away from her lips and lowered them to her neck, his hand trailing down her leg to wrap it around his waist. Her lips broke away at the sensation, a loud moan escaping her as he nibbled her neck and pressed his groin between her legs, heat rapidly damping her panties.

She hastily pushed his jacket off and his hands went under her shirt, wanting. His arousal was building up rapidly and even if he tried to slow her down, she was quickly making him loose control by digging her nails just the way he liked it against his neck and then dragging them down to his shoulders, her other hand stroking his chest teasingly.

He didn't want it like this; she was going too fast, pure need and no sensation, wanting to satisfy the want burning in her belly, pushing all his buttons, trying to make him give in fast, not even meeting his eyes. He soon started to wonder if she just wanted to get this over with.

She wanted him inside of her, no foreplay, no need for it; she just wanted to satisfy the burn coiling in her sex. She felt so cold, so unwanted, so dull and needed something to make her feel alive. Only he could do that, and she wanted him to take her right here right now.

When her hands moved to his belt buckle, his own hands moved down to hers, stilling her fingers and gripping both her hands tightly, pulling her arms against the wall and pressing her hands roughly to the surface level with her shoulders.

"Stop." Jean's eyes snapped open when he dangerously growled the word, watching his nostrils flare slightly as he took a deep breath. His eyes were dark with lust and he was fighting with the beast, but she wanted him to let it loose on her like he had done countless times before, to make her feel again, so she leaned forwards and flicked her tongue against his lower lip then sucked on it, rubbing her hips against his.

Logan gritted his teeth and slammed his hand against the wall behind her, her actions sending pleasure straight to his lower body. He panted when she nibble his neck and then bit down hard, and he fought to keep himself from ripping her pants off and fucking her senseless.

He somehow managed to pull away from her, their lower bodies still pressed tightly together but enough room between their chests for him to look at her face. Her cheeks were slightly flushed like they always were when she was hot, and her lips were parted a bit, while her eyes were heavy lidded with desire.

Emma was right, Jean's eyes showed so much emotion, showed everything. He looked deep into her eyes and realized she was still hiding. Her shields were still up. He didn't want her to lie to him anymore; he wanted her to show him who she really was, to show all of her. "Let your shields down." He told her in a low tone, his lips so close to hers she could feel his warm breath.

Jean blinked, her body tensing and her eyes darkening, hiding. "What?" She thought maybe she heard wrong.

Logan noticed how her shields actually strengthen up and he growled at her. "Show me." He said against her lips.

The blush on Jean's face suddenly faded and she squirmed in his grip, trying to flee. "No." She told him and his grip tightened almost painfully hard.

"Why not?" He moved his face to whisper against her ear, feeling anger rise in him when she refused.

Jean stopped fighting him and slumped down, tears filling her eyes again. "No." She simply whispered again. She couldn't let him see the real her, she would scare him with the coldness she held deep inside, the darkness that filled her and consumed her when he wasn't around. She wasn't going to be vulnerable against anyone. If she let him completely into her mind through their link, he would learn too much about her, so much he didn't need to know.

Logan closed his eyes and shook with anger. Jean winced at his grip on her wrists against the wall, turning her face away from him. He breathed in and out slowly, willing himself to calm down and think. He opened his eyes and was met by her cheek since she was facing away from him and he could smell and see a tear streaming down.

He licked his lips and kissed her cheek gently, testing the salty tear. Letting her hands go, he placed one hand on her hip and with the other he gently turned her face to him. Jean had her eyes closed and her hands fell to her sides before he pressed his lips against hers softly.

Jean gasped surprised because she thought he was going to be angry and she opened her eyes, meeting his blue ones. She saw the understanding and love in them and it broke her heart, and she wrapped her arms around his neck again, feeling her heart beat against her ribs erratically when his lips gently met hers again. Her eyes slid shut and she surrendered to his touch, too emotionally wrecked to comprehend anything anymore.

He was kissing her slowly and tenderly, stroking the small of her back, wrapping his arms around her slender form, holding her tight against him. She was afraid of showing herself, and she wanted to stay closed, keeping her shields high, but he wasn't going to take anymore of it. He wanted to see all of her, feel her entire reality around him without having to wonder if she was hiding. She may not want to, but that was all right, he would get it out of her, torturing her with pleasure until she could take it no more and gave in. He was going to make love to her slowly like never before, driving her to the edge of insanity until she broke.

He was glad to feel she was giving in to his pace, slow and gentle, softly bringing his hands under her shirt again and pulling it off to find she wasn't wearing a bra, and his lips slowly trailed down her neck again.

Logan slowly brushed his fingers against her shoulders, his thumb lightly caressing the white dressing covering the still healing wound on her shoulder before his hands moved a bit lower and Jean threw her head back when Logan cupped her breasts, her nails digging into his shoulders. She swallowed hard and shuddered when he sucked her earlobe into his mouth, tracing her ear with his tongue and down her neck again.

He pulled away from her slightly for a moment, his eyes following his hands slowly as he tenderly ran his palms and caressing fingers from her shoulders to her elbows down her arms and then held her hands, entwining their fingers together before pulling her towards the bed.

Jean shivered at the contact and followed as he gently pulled her with him, him walking backwards as they stared deep into each other's eyes until the back of his legs touched the edge of the bed and he pulled her closer, taking her lips in a quick but sure kiss that left her with her eyes closed and wanting- no, needing more.

Logan pulled her with him to the bed, watching intently as she settled in the middle of it and he shed his shirt and boots before climbing on top of her, his eyes never leaving hers.

Jean blushed in shy embarrassment under the intensity of his stare, her chest heaving with her now slightly faster breaths, her eyes trailing his now bare chest as he settled between her parted legs, her hands immediately on him, her fingertips trailing him gently, mapping his every muscle with her touch.

Logan pushed a loose strand of her glorious red hair back behind her ear and kissed her again, the feeling of her touch making his muscles clench every time she touched him with feather light strokes.

Jean parted her lips under the press of his lips and his tongue darted into the warmth of her mouth, tasting her and savoring her as if she was the sweetest candy until she moved her tongue to rub against his, warm and sensual, breathless but they didn't want to let go.

Logan wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her even closer while his other hand tangled into her silk-like hair and pressed her mouth deeper into his. Jean responded by wrapping her arm around his neck and also pressing him harder against her, their tongues stroking seductively as her other hand stroked up and down the arm wrapped around her waist. Both were pressed together as close as possible, ignoring the urge to breathe until they could take it no more.

Jean pulled back first, panting and Logan closed his eyes, taking a second to control the urge rising between his legs, reminding himself that he needed to make her come first, drag out the pleasure… but her scent, her very sweet, hot, aroused scent wasn't helping him at all.

When Jean dragged her nails across his back and starting rubbing against him slowly, he moaned, feeling his own control slip and he had to halt her movements, his fingers gripping her a little too tight, pressing her hips against the mattress.

The look on her face was quite troubled, and he didn't want her to think, because he knew how smart she was and how she could figure out what she was trying to do. One hand letting go of her hips and encircling her shoulders, he wrapped her hair around his other fist, pulling her face close so he could ravish her mouth with a rough, wild kiss.

Jean moaned against the urgent kiss, thinking no more about the matter and kissed him back with the same passion, the feeling of his lips kissing hers so savagely and thrusting his tongue into her mouth hard, sent heat rushing to her sex, a wave of want and desire washing over her and she moaned again, enjoying the sudden change in his pace.

Logan smelled the sweet moisture pooling in her legs and grinds against her center, the action making them both part lips to gasp in bliss. He looked deep into her now dilated eyes and licked her lips seductively before sliding down a little and licking on of her nipples the same way, making her breath catch in her throat.

He licked and sucked on the hard and darkened nipple before he switched to the other one, giving it the same treatment while cupping the other breast tightly, biting down on her nipple and sucking until he got the reaction he knew she was fighting, but she soon did throw her head back and moan loudly.

He grinned against her flesh and moved lower, his tongue leaving a damp trail from the valley between her full breasts to her abdomen, and then he dipped his tongue into her belly button, making her suck in her stomach and let out a little chuckle, just like every time he did that.

Logan grinned again and stayed there, circling his tongue around the little hole while his hands worked on pulling down her sweat pants maddening slowly, his lips pressing open-mouth kisses to her already hot skin. Jean moved to bury her hand into Logan's soft, black hair, her grip tightening whenever his wet kisses moved another torturous inch lower.

He had finally pulled her pants off and his tongue was now trailing the edge of her dark blue underwear. Jean tried to urge him but instead of pulling her panties off, he climbed back on top of her. "Logaaaan!" Jean wined, but she was cut off by his lips on hers again, kissing her so hard it almost hurt and it seamed he was punishing her.

Jean got lost in the kiss, trying to pull away to breathe a bit but he had her by the back of her head, pressing her mouth against his and making her loose all coherent thought and she rubbed her hips to meet his, wanting to feel him inside of her and she moved her hand between them but with difficulty, struggling with his belt. Logan's own hand moving down to work on his pants and soon he was out of them and took off her panties too, leaving them both naked.

Jean pulled away from his lips and looked deep into his eyes, seeing the million emotions in them and it made her heart clench painfully, knowing how much she had hurt him and here he was anyway, accepting her and understanding her, and she didn't know what she had done to deserve him. Logan noticed the sudden change in Jean and cupped her face, stroking her cheek lovingly. She felt a knot form in her throat and didn't try to fight it back; she just pulled him into another kiss and closed her eyes.

He knew what she wanted to say but let her be, kissing her softly but briefly, pulling away from her lips to look at her. "Jean?" Jean opened her eyes when he said her name and held her tightly.

"What's wrong?" She asked again, stroking his face, noticing his troubled expression.

Logan pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear and looked deep into her eyes, smiling at her. "Nothing." He whispered, moving his lips closer to hers. "Just want you to look at me." He said and pressed his lips to hers again.

Jean frowned a bit at his request but complied, smiling at him and watched his eyes as he reached down and pressed his arousal against her opening, moaning at the wet heat he found and pulled her into another kiss, steadily thrusting into her.

Jean raised her hips just as slowly, while he was holding himself over her, already dark eyes dilated to black and heavy-lidded, sliding into her inch by agonizing inch until he was deep inside of her, crushing her underneath his weight. Logan kept his eyes on Jean, watching her pupils dilate as pleasure fogged her mind and he could tell she was fighting to keep her eyes open like he had asked her to. His lips found hers again and he pulled her into another hard kiss, his hand gripping her thigh tightly while his other hand wrapped around the small of her back, pulling her even closer.

Jean didn't know if anything had ever felt so good to her… so right. The size of him stretching her open was enough to make her cry out in pain but beg for more, the pleasure of it wickedly satisfying her every need while his tongue stroked against hers hotly, pulling out to nibble at her lower lip and then kiss her neck.

Jean urged him to move, but instead of thrusting, he ground against her; Jean pulled away from his lips to gasp, rubbing back against him and she moaned loudly against his lips when he shifted his hips a bit and deliberately rubbed against her clit, arching her neck as he circled his hips against hers while buried deep inside of her, her nails digging hard into his back while he kept driving her crazy without even thrusting. Jean moaned loudly when he moved a little faster, rubbing her clit with his pubic bone, waiting until she was thrashing underneath him, swallowing her pleas while kissing her and ravaging her mouth and she was about to come, then he pulled almost all the way out and held there, listening to her whining protests as he was barely inside of her, leaving her hanging.

She desperately moaned his name and he kissed her again, his tongue stroking against hers like he knew she wanted him to fill her, making her writhe underneath him, pleading against his mouth. Her head snapped back, mouth widening as he sharply jerked his hips between her thighs, her form shaking as she felt his thrust fill her hard.

Logan was doing everything her could to keep himself from loosing control, to keep from thrusting endlessly into her until he found his own release; it was taking him everything to focus solely on her, but he nearly lost it when she dug her nails into his shoulder and buried her fingers in his hair with her other hand, pressing his lips harder against hers and groaning against his mouth, biting his lip as he forced his way further into her tight sex.

He growled against her mouth and his hand gripped at her hip even tighter, making sure she had bruises in the morning, but they weren't thinking about that now. She was moaning pleadingly again, begging him to move inside of her, but he refused, he just kept buried deep inside of her and kissing her, his other hand moving down and stroking small but sure circles on her clit, making her breath catch in her throat.

"Oh God…" Jean sighed and threw her head back when he started thrusting, but whimpered in desperation when he set a torturously slow pace, rubbing her clit harder with his fingers, driving her insane.

Logan knew what he was doing to her, she was loosing all sense of control, he could see it in her eyes, see how her pupils were dilated with pleasure, how her eyes were deep with emotions and heavy-lidded with passion, trying to hang on but knew she wouldn't be able to for too long now…

"Please…" Jean moaned, wrapping her legs around his hips, trying to direct his movements into a faster rhythm.

Logan smiled teasingly at her, kissing her neck and trailing kisses on her jaw, moving down to lick at the sensitive spot on her collarbone, biting down slightly and she squeezed him inside of her. "Please what?" Gasping slightly, he asked her huskily, picking up his pace.

Jean moaned loudly, her legs around his hips still trying to guide him, but he quickly put a stop to it by moving his free hand to the side of her knee, grabbing her calf and dragging it up over his shoulder before returning to his torment of her body, ignoring the whine of frustration as she was forced to give into his rhythm.

"Jean…" He breathed her name and kept looking into her eyes, seeing as her shields faded even as she tried to keep them in place. She was still strong, still trying to keep control, and he knew just what to do to push her over the edge, to make her come hard, make her loose all control, make her show every inch of her soul. He knew how to have her at his mercy.

He kissed her deeply but swiftly before sharply shoving into her, making her cry out surprised, her nails digging into his shoulders again, almost drawing blood when he did it again and again and Jean couldn't even think anymore, her mind was letting go and the link between them was sucking them both into the other's mind, a feeling so overwhelming Jean had to close her eyes to keep her barriers in place.

Logan growled in her ear, biting her lower lip hard enough to draw blood and her eyes snapped open as the pain blurred with pleasure and she was rapidly forgetting about the control she was loosing. "Oh…" She tried to get closer to him but he had her knee pressed against her shoulder, but she moaned loudly again and dragged her nails against his back when he moved faster, her nails ripping at his skin and leaving burning trails behind as the Phoenix inside of her battled for a taste of ecstasy.

Logan growled again, this time Wolverine's own growl echoing in the night's air, feeling his control start to slip through his fingers, but could hold on as long as he was looking into her quickly surrendering eyes, the link between them so strong it was starting to consume them, taking over them and making everything mingle; emotions, love, passion, heat, pleasure… Logan started thrusting harder and faster into her and Jean's eyes flashed with fire while Wolverine flashed in Logan's eyes as well, fighting to come out and play.

With Wolverine influencing him now, Logan pounded into her and she soon threw her head back and cried out, her eyes glowing with Phoenix's power as she came long and hard, clenching him inside of her as he kept moving, watching in her eyes how she let go completely and the window in the room burst into a million pieces, the waves of her release going off as telekinetic waves all over the room, turning it upside down as her every shield shattered, and just a couple of trust later Logan followed her into oblivion, growling and pressing his lips against hers, coming so hard he pressed his fist against the mattress just in time as his claws shot out involuntarily, shredding the sheets.

It took them a while to recover; Jean laying with her knee still on his shoulder and her head resting on the pillow while she had her eyes closed, trying to recover her breath, while Logan also with his eyes closed but was still buried inside of her, holding himself over her while his claws were still deep in the mattress and his heart pounded like crazy against his chest, but eventually he opened his eyes to be met with her emerald green looking back at him, soft and warm like he had never seen them before, not one single shield, not one single secret, everything out in the open.

Jean licked her dry lips but moaned at their soreness, tasting a tang of blood. Logan noticed and looked concerned. "I'm sorry, guess I was a bit too hard on you."

Jean chuckled and wrapped her ands around his neck, pulling him down to a very, tender kiss. Logan retracted his claws and cupped her face, but the leverage of his arms gone made his full strength weigh down on her and she was reminded of him still deep inside of her while her knee dangled on his shoulder. She moaned and deepened the kiss a bit, but he pulled away. "Didn't ya get enough?" He teased her and she giggled but stopped when he pulled out of her and let her knee fall back to her side.

"Never." She whispered and was about to kiss him again, but she saw him staring at her leg with a strange look, stroking just above her knee. "Log-" She stopped, realizing what he was looking at. He had really broken every single shield in her.

"'that your Brotherhood mark?" He asked and looked to her eyes again, seeing her jade green burn into his.

"Yeah, I got it a long time ago." She said, her hand reaching out to stroke her face. "Around the time I got this one." She motioned to the shoulder that wasn't wounded, where now lay bare her other tattoo with the Brotherhood symbol, inked to her skin.

Logan looked to her shoulder and stroked over the tattoo, understanding why he had never seen it before. "You use your powers to hide it all this time?"

"Yeah." Jean whispered, still stroking his face. "I couldn't exactly have them on display." She said and he chuckled, kissing her lips gently.

"Just promise you'll never hide them from me again, ok?" He whispered against her lips but into her mind as well and she heard him clear as day, the link between them now stronger than ever.

_I promise I'll never hide anything from you again._ Her gently voice sounded like spring wind in his mind and he kissed her again, his want for her rising again, and she kissed him back just as passionately, liking the way the metallic taste of blood while they kissed spurred him on.

* * *

15-year-old Jean Grey grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and eagerly gulped the water down, enjoying the cool feeling running down her throat. She closed the fridge again but didn't let go of the now half-empty bottle, feeling her mouth very dry.

It was nearly 2am, but she had gotten used to late nights since she was little and lived with Eric, Emma and Jason. She had been living with Sarah for nearly two months now, and she was slowly feeling the weigh on her shoulders lift, but she was still getting used to being a 'normal' teenager, like sleeping at reasonable hours for example, and since she couldn't stand High School, then at least going to night school because Sarah was making her go, since with Eric neither Jean, Jason nor Emma ever went to school.

Jean yawned. It had been a tiring day, so she headed upstairs to sleep. Jean suddenly shivered, sensing a presence nearby. She turned around to see if there was someone there, but saw nothing in the kitchen that was barely lighted by the moonlight coming in from the window. She extended her mind, looking for anything unusual, but only found the four familiar minds that were dreaming peacefully.

Trying to shake off the feeling, she turned and climbed the stairs again but halfway there, she heard a strange noise coming from outside and she turned around again. Still, nothing.

Her heart was beating a little faster now, and she quickly moved to the front door, checking if it was locked properly. After confirming the door was well locked, she tried to tell herself that she was just being paranoid, because her telepathy wasn't picking up on anything out of the ordinary.

She went back into the kitchen, gripping the bottle in her hands with a deadly grip, trying to calm her nerves. She slowly walked backwards towards the stair case, watching the darkness attentively, her green eyes fixed on the obscurity, but she wasn't seeing anything.

Jean began panting a little bit and started going up the stairs again, when Sarah's sharp scream tore through the silence in the house like a knife stabbing into flesh and Jean stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes widening and her breath catching in her throat, her mind flashing back to 9 years ago, hearing her mother scream and Jean's heart skipped a beat. "No!" Jean shrieked, dropping the bottle of water and running up the stairs.

"No!" Jean shrieked and woke up, shooting up in the bed and panting, Logan waking up right with her and it took them both a second to realize what was happening, but eventually Jean let out a long, shaky breath, her whole form trembling with fear and her face covered in cold sweat.

"Jeannie?" Logan tenderly touched her shoulder as not to startle her, seeing as how she hadn't noticed him besides her yet. Jean jumped slightly at his touch and turned to see him sitting besides her, concern mirrored in his face. She was holding her breath, her face positively pale while the sweat on her face made her skin glitter in the moonlight, making her look ill and terrified.

"I-I…" Jean muttered and let out another breath, panting again, "I had a b-bad dream." She swallowed hard, trying to ease her sore throat and willed her shoulders to relax, but she was tenser than ever and every muscle in her body was on alert.

"Yeah," Logan whispered, looking at her in the dark lighted room. "You were projecting." He told her and Jean gave him a confused look for a moment, before she closed her eyes and whimpered.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed, trying to hold her emotions in but it was becoming too much to hold inside of her any longer. "I'm really sorry."

"Hey," Logan said softly, pulling her closer. "It's ok; it's not your fault." He pulled her into his embrace and she wrapped her arms around him immediately, curling up against him like a scared little girl thinking there were monsters under her bed. "It was probably the link, can't help it." He said and tucked her head under his chin, holding her as tight as possible as she buried her face in his chest and started crying.

Logan sighed, stroking her long, red hair softly, his other hand stroking over her warm skin, rocking her back and forth, saying soothing words into the dark as she shook with her wreaking sobs…

**Ok, how was the first part where Logan thinks about his love for Jean? And also, I got so blocked writing the love scene, it was sooooooo difficult! **

**So please let me know if it was worth it! Review lots and lots!! **


	13. The Face of the Enemy

**I am really sorry I haven't updated in ages but I have been working on my book and it takes my focus off the other stories, but I haven't given up on them. Please read and review!!!! **

_The Face of the Enemy _

Ororo knew she shouldn't be here, but when she saw Logan's burnt door in the hall, she was of course worried something horrible had happened inside, just to find the room upside down as well but he was sleeping calmly in his bed, with a certain redhead in his arms.

Storm always had her suspicions, everyone in the mansion did, but never once in her life would she have thought she would be the one to prove it. She was staring right at them, sleeping peacefully in Logan's bed, Jean's red hair resting on the pillows as they lay in a tangle of arms and legs.

She walked out of the room as silently as possible, her mouth still wide open from shock and her heart beating in her ears, not believing her eyes, but she knew what she just saw was real.

She stood in the hall for a few minutes, not knowing what to do or where to go… And her thoughts were immediately on Scott, on how Jean had betrayed him, how hurt he would be if he found out, and speaking of the devil, she turned around just to find him standing right behind her watching her.

"Scott!" She almost shouted startled, pressing a hand against her chest. "What are you doing here?" It was then that she noticed the condition he was in. He looked positively miserable. He had black rings coming out from under his glasses; his hair was sticking to all directions, his lips were dry and broken, and his usually straight and confident posture was now slumped shoulders and wretched. "What happened to you?"

He didn't answer, he looked right through her to the burnt door, knowing very well it was Logan's door and moved past Ororo, his hand going for the door handle just to have the weather witch stop him.

"Scott, don't." He looked up at her, seeing the genuine concern in her eyes and hearing it in her voice, but he couldn't care, he was to broken and distraught to care about anything anymore. He pushed her away roughly, causing her to gasp shocked at his sudden move and could only watch as he opened the door and stop dead in his tracks, staring at the scene in front of him.

Ororo had no idea how he was going to react; she stood in high alert in case he wanted to kill Logan, if not both him and Jean. She could see he was fuming with hanger, his hands clenching into fists as his whole body shook. She was afraid to go near him, but was relieved when he simply stormed off, stomping down the hall and into his room.

Ororo winced as the sound of him slamming his door boomed across the hall and she had to quickly close the damaged door in front of her to keep the two occupants inside from waking and becoming aware of her intrusion.

* * *

It was about an hour after she woke up when Jean heard Xavier in her head calling her to his office. She hated hearing his voice in her head; it freaked her out and made her furious. Nevertheless Jean replied kindly and walked calmly towards his office.

"Jean, please take a seat." Xavier motioned to one of the chairs across from his position in front of his desk, watching the redhead intently as she sat down and smiled warmly at him.

"What's going on Professor?" She asked in that sweet, gentle voice she had been using since she arrived at the mansion all those years ago.

Charles in the other hand did not look pleased. "You've been reinforcing Logan's shields." It wasn't a question; it was a statement that he expected will wipe that smile of her face and make her composure crumble, but instead, her warm smile did not fade, her eyes simply hardened as she kept her cool like he never imagined she could.

"Yes, I have." Jean knew she was pushing her luck by not acting surprised and scared like she should, but she was almost out of here anyway, she wanted to at least talk back to the bastard for once in her life. She smiled when her answer obviously caught him off guard, the change barely visible to any ordinary person, but she was no ordinary person.

"Why would you do that, Jean?" Charles said in the most pleading tone he could manage, a look in his face that would fool anybody, but Jean knew better.

"I will not let you hurt him." The determination and danger in her voice sent a cold shiver down his spine. He had never seen Jean like this before, her eyes were cold as ice, her face was hard as steal, and the sound of her voice was bloodcurdling. For a moment he thought he was talking to Phoenix.

Jean's lips pulled into a smirk. "Oh I'm far worse than her." She said in a deep, intimidating voice.

Jean knew she was playing with fire, he could surely sense her rise of power as she let her barriers down, knowing that he had no idea how much control she had over her immense power. She always had to keep her shields up so that there was no chance he could read her real thoughts, only those planted in the surface of her mind so that he would think he had complete access to her, but the shields were also to keep her powers hidden, otherwise he could easily pick up on them rising. She wanted him to feel her power because she knew it would panic him, but she had no idea what he intended to do about it. She wanted to scare him, make him feel at least a little bit of the fear and terror she felt as a little child and as a mare teenager because of him.

Charles visibly gulped, leaning back against his chair. "You are dismissed."

Jean didn't even flinch. She knew she had made his skin crawl and he was apparently thinking it was Phoenix before him, not Jean. She smiled inwardly as she walked out of his office. _He just can't bring himself to think that his precious Jeannie could be so utterly creepy. _

Once Jean left his office, Charles slumped his shoulders and let out a shaky breath. "Phoenix is taking over her and she's not even noticing it." He said out loud, drawing out his conclusion.

From a hidden doorway in his office, Hank steeped out and moved towards Charles with a small computer in his hands. "Her power levels are extremely high and her brainwaves were all over the place," He said in absolute disbelieve, not taking his eyes off the frozen picture in his computer which showed a colorful image of the room before, with Jean seating in front of Xavier, the machine showing her figure as a beaming red shape in the monitor, along with several other colors that indicated tremendous displays of power.

He handed the computer to Charles whose eyes widened at the image of Jean's power levels. "Her blood pressure is high, her brain waves are all over the place, her body temperature seams low…" Hank informed him, his own shock clear in his voice. "Her powers are out of control, Phoenix is taking over her." It was the only explanation they could think of; they had no idea about Jean's control over her powers.

Xavier watched the monitor for a few more minutes. He always hoped that he could tame the beast raging inside the redhead before the beast tamed her, but now it was too late. He had to do something fast or she would destroy herself and take half the universe with her in her wake. Taking a deep breath, he made his decision. "It's time." He barely whispered, but Hank heard him clearly, and knew exactly what he meant. He was thinking about it too, but thought maybe it was a bit too drastic.

"Are you sure?" He asked carefully, knowing better than to contradict Charles Xavier.

The older man nodded. "Better sooner than later, we can't afford her crossing the line."

Hank looked down at him, knowing he was right, "All right, but how? It is not like she will do it voluntarily."

Charles sighed heavily. "She has always been difficult…"

* * *

After Charles introduced their newest arrival, Remy Etienne LeBeau, he left with Hank for a lunch meeting in Washington and would not return until the day after, so it gave Jean free time to fill Remmy in the ways of the mansion and how to get word back to the base camp, amongst other things.

Afterwards, Logan joined them in her office to go over the information she got from Scott's computer the night before, and to Jean it felt like heaven having Logan besides her as they looked at the files. It was at that moment that she realized that he wasn't on the X-men's side anymore, or the Brotherhood's for that matter. He was on her side.

"Wait..." Remy read the file closely, as did Jean and Logan, but they couldn't understand the look on the Cajun's face.

"What is it?" Jean asked concerned, hoping he had figured something out.

"Dis isn't a weapon." He told them sternly, making them both frown, but once he showed them a specific part of the file, they realized what he meant.

"The frequencies aren't set to receive information; they are set to send information." Jean concluded, noticing how remote the find had been, and wondered how the Cajun had found it. She must have really underestimated him.

_Who would have thought this guy knew shit about computer programming. _Logan communicated through their link, having heard Jean's comment. It seems that their minds were so linked together that the other's simple thoughts were like their own thoughts. Jean smirked at Logan's remark and then spoke aloud. "That means it's not a weapon, it is merely a control remote of sorts."

"Oui." The Frenchman nodded, unaware of the private conversation the couple held telepathically.

"But this remote can only control one thing." Logan wondered aloud, reading more of the files. "Sentinels."

Jean felt a shiver down her spine. "The weapon the government is talking about making to kill mutants?"

Logan shook his head, tensing up. "It's not 'talk about' anymore," he said. "If they have the remote, they have the weapon."

* * *

Later on after reporting back to the Brotherhood, they sat down with the rest of the X-men to have dinner. Remy sat close to Marie and they immediately fell into a conversation while Jean sensed a strange anxiety in Storm and was about to ask her what was wrong when Scott came into the dinning room.

You could cut the tension between them with a knife. Although no one knew they had broken up, the air in the room stank of trouble. Remy and Rogue were the last two to stop their conversation, leaving the room in silence as Scott sat across from Jean, trying to ignore Logan seating besides her.

In no time the people around them started asking each other what was wrong, looking for answers about the golden couple's newest fight. Jean tried to ignore the impolite murmurs around her and tried focusing on her meal, but Scott made that impossible. His next words made the entire room gasp. "I already hired a divorce lawyer."

Jean dropped her fork loudly, not believing he could be so selfish and stupid, reveling their private life to the entire room. Aggravated with the situation and quickly loosing her temper, she calmly said "Scott, I don't think this is the best time or place to talk about that."

"Not the best time?" Scott scoffed, feeling the few drinks he had starting to cloud his judgment completely. He was suddenly shaking with anger and staring daggers into the redhead. "Was it always the best time to fuck Logan behind my back?!" he yelled so loud people outside could have heard him.

Jean's chair screeched loudly and fell to the floor as she stood up abruptly, feeling her face go red with anger. She wanted nothing more than to kill him right on the spot for humiliating her in front of so many people, but she knew better than to give into her wishes. She simply turned and walked out of the room quickly, leaving shocked faces and open mouths hanging behind.

Logan growled loudly at Scott and this one immediately dropped his mad face and looked back frightened at the man in front of him, the alcohol in his system enabling him to think straight.

Logan didn't want to stay in the room full of eyes watching him so he quickly walked away following Jean's scent, wanting nothing more but to be by her side right now. The link between them was overwhelming, he could feel the rage she was trying to control and the tears she was letting fall.

He found her moments later in his room curled up in the bed, her teary eyes staring into emptiness. He closed the door -which had been replaced at noon by the workers- and walked over to her, seating by her side.

She didn't move, she simply stared into the darkness. He could feel her anger had calmed a bit one he entered the room, and although she looked fine, he could see in her eyes the turmoil she was trying to run from.

Logan knew there was nothing he could do for her, he knew her well enough to know that the more unaffected she looked, the more emotional she was. All he could offer now was his silent support.

Her thoughts and pain in his head were wearing him out. Never before had he been linked to another mind so intimately, and it was tiring enough to deal with his own chaotic mind, now with Jean's in sync, he felt as if his brain was being sucked out from his ears.

He lay down besides her and pulled her close, trying to stay awake until she felt better but he was exhausted. He was asleep in no time. Fortunately, since his mind was radiating so many tired and sleepy sensations, Jean soon found herself following him into slumber.

* * *

Jean began panting a little bit and started going up the stairs again, when Sarah's sharp scream tore through the silence in the house like a knife stabbing into flesh and Jean stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes widening and her breath catching in her throat, her mind flashing back to 9 years ago, hearing her mother scream and Jean's heart skipped a beat. "No!" Jean shrieked, dropping the bottle of water and running up the stairs.

She wished she never made it up the stairs.

The first room from the stairs was the boys' room and she quickly ran in through the already open door, but the sight in front of her made her stomach turn and she had to look away immediately. Gasping for breath, she couldn't stop her mind from showing her the image of the twins covered in blood even as she clenched her eyes shut. She had to hag on to every fiber of her being to keep the nausea down as she moved away from the room, tears streaming down her face as her lungs finally worked and she let out the most heartbreaking sob, her eyes opening to stare into darkness as the stench of death and blood hung heavy in the air.

She forced her feet to move towards the room down the hall, but she wasn't moving fast enough, she was too afraid of what she would find. The short distance to the master bedroom seamed like an eternity to the young Jean who had to lean against the wall as her shaking body didn't support her weigh enough. She was terrified; she couldn't keep her tears from falling as she entered the room with closed eyes, trembling in fear.

She opened her eyes and screamed, closing them again as she fell to the floor, her knees giving out under her. She was crying hysterically, chocking on her sobs as her body shook violently. Faintly she heard a strange sound and her eyes shot open, but they were blurry with tears and she had to follow the sound almost blindly, just to find Ian chocking on his own blood, his eyes now staring up at Jean.

Jean covered her mouth and moved away as fast as she could, throwing up. When she was able to breathe again, her sobs returned and she looked back to see Ian was already dead.

In the haze of it all, she barely heard movement besides her and she turned to find the source. Her heart stopped in her chest as two glowing eyes stepped out of the shadows as a snarling beast ready to attack her. Jean could only stare horrified when memories hit her like a wave of water and she recognized her attacker, ready to kill her like he tried when she was 6 years old. Jean was in such a shock that she was paralyzed. She was back in her room as a little 6-year-old, staring into the eyes of the beast, now knowing who he was. The 15-year-old Jean Grey barely screamed as the killer extended three long adimantium claws from each hand before jumping her, and Jean woke up with a scream, shooting off of the bed, terrified.

Logan had woken up right with her, having seen her nightmare clear as day. He was in complete shock. _It was me?_

Jean was still screaming and Logan didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to think, he could only watch as Jean ran out of the room as fast as possible, and the thought of following her didn't even cross his mind, he was still caught up in it all. _It was me? How can that be?_

Jean wasn't thinking straight; she wasn't thinking about anything, she was just following the utter fear clenching her as she ran away from him, from the man who ruined her life, from the man who killed her entire family. She was in complete shock.

She never once thought where she was going, she simply ran to the garage and jumped into her car, shivering and sobbing uncontrollably, her hands trembling hard as she tried to get the engine started and drove off at a full sprint into the storm raging outside in the dark night.

She was going too fast but the only thought in her mind was to get away from him before he killed her. Her eyes were clouded with tears, her mind was racing with thoughts and her heart was beating fast against her ribs while rain poured hard and she could barely see the road but she kept on driving, not even able to hear her own cries of despair as she stepped harder on the gas.

She gripped the wheel tighter and pushed the car to a faster speed, feeling her entire world crumble into ashes around her as her nightmares kept repeating themselves over and over again in her head.

Her mind was too occupied for her to even notice the truck driving right at her until it was too late. Her eyes widened and she turned the wheel frantically but it was in vain, the other vehicle hit her full force, sending her car tossing and turning on the wet, slippery road until it finally came to a stop several feet away from the point of impact.

In the next few moments there was nothing but silence, the wrecked car standing on its roof as water from the storm rose on the ground. Jean was hardly conscious inside, the side of her face covered in blood as she moaned in pain.

But the silence was broken by a van approaching, slowing down and stopping right besides Jean. The water was almost reaching her face as she tried to make sense of what had happened. Men covered in black got out of the van and approached Jean, getting her out from the wreck in no time, ignoring her cries of pain as they moved her roughly.

She was fighting to stay awake, but her head was pounding and pulling her towards the darkness, she could barely keep her eyes open and everything looked blurry, while the pouring rain made it even harder for her to make anything out of anything.

She saw a fuzzy figure in black kneel in front of her and next thing she knew was a cold, sharp pain on her neck as he injected her with something. She gasped for air and wanted to scream in pain, but it was too much, the liquid moved like frozen pieces of ice tearing their way through her veins and into her system, bleeding into her organs.

The people around her got back in their van and drove off, leaving Jean under the pouring rain. She chocked loudly as the ice wrapped around her lungs and made it impossible to breathe, and then everything went black…

* * *

Hank dialed a phone number and waited for a few rings until Charles picked up. "Yes?"

"It's done."

**OK, so what did you think? Please let me know!!! Thank you for all the review on the previous chapter, I really appreciate them. Oh, and by the way, the story will be over in two more chapters. **


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